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Let Go Say No Go Slow

This phrase is one that Mark shared with me years ago, and I keep going back to it because it feels like it has become a good mantra for life.

“Let go, say no, go slow”

Letting go doesn’t mean giving up hope or quitting. It means realizing that there are things that are beyond your control. Can you control the opinions of others? Can you control what someone thinks about you or how they respond to you? Can you control the decisions others make or how they choose to spend their time or money? Can you control the way they eat, drink, or talk about other people?
My spouse and children help me practice this one the most. Every single day I have opportunities to let go of what I can’t control.

Saying No used to be hard for me, but the more I do it the better I get at it. Here are some examples of a few things I consistently find myself saying no to.

“No, I don’t take students on Fridays”.

“No, make-up lessons are not guaranteed.”

“No, I am not able to come to an event that is an hour away and involves driving through Friday rush hour.”

“No, I will not be able to join the PTA or chaperone field trips.”

Going Slow is counter-cultural where I live. I’ve realized this more than ever after returning from a 6 month road-trip where I had fewer responsibilities and long unplanned days. When I work hard during the week, I want a lot of open space on the weekends to “just be” and allow for “spontaneous adventures”. I was raised in a small town where sitting on the front porch and waving to the neighbors walking by was considered entertainment. One of my piano student families let their kids dig a giant hole in their front yard which provided the kids with hours of free entertainment. Since the hole looked a little out of place on their city street, the mom apologized for the mess, admitting her fear of judgement. I laughed and said, It reminds me of my own childhood. We had a neighborhood digging club too. It was the best!

Do you find yourself wishing that life would slow down a little? Maybe you wish you had a few more free days with nothing scheduled on the calendar? Or maybe you love being busy and get bored when there is “nothing to do” like a couple of my kids who are constantly asking. “What are we DOING today?”

It takes all types of personalities to make the world go round and we each have our own limits when it comes to the pace of life we choose. I hope you can find what works for you and embrace it fully. Let go, say no, and if it suits you….go slow.

Here are a few photos from my slow day today at Lake of the Isles and Eloise Butler Flower Gardens.




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A 23 year old Lie that I Chose to Believe

I’m going to tell you about a little lie that has been playing on repeat in my head for 23 years. Today, I finally recognized it for what it was and said, “I don’t believe it!”

I went to college for Elementary Education and as part of the program, I had to do a number of practice teaching assignments in different schools. My first assignment was in a 3rd grade classroom. I don’t remember much about what I taught or even what school it was, but what I do remember is the negative review I received from the cooperating teacher. It was a written review that was given to my professor. The review said I didn’t have good classroom management, couldn’t handle the class on my own, and could not be trusted with my own classroom. I immediately questioned this review (I mean, come on, it was my very first time in charge of a classroom. I had no training and no help. Who is supposed to be helping who here?)

Needless to say, I never ended up applying for teaching jobs or having my own classroom. I decided to teach one-on-one piano lessons because someone told me I was good at it and it seemed more manageable than a classroom of 25-30 kids.

What I never realized until today was the POWER OF THAT ONE NEGATIVE REVIEW. I walked away from teaching groups of kids ever since. Something I didn’t pay attention to over the years was that I really enjoyed organizing groups in my everyday “mom life”. I would gather groups of kids in a park to play with a parachute or play games. I also loved planning birthday parties and making up scavenger hunts for holidays. Group activities gave me a chance to use my creativity and adapt to changes on the fly.

Fast forward to today, I did a big thing. I taught my first GROUP piano class! It was so much fun, I couldn’t stop smiling. Why did I believe the lie for this long that I couldn’t teach groups?! Do you find it surprising that a negative word by a supervisor during a formative time in my life affected my entire career path? It is honestly kind of shocking that words of someone in authority could hold so much power.

Do you remember a time when a negative report or evaluation stuck with you and made you believe something about yourself that wasn’t true? Maybe you are someone in authority, a teacher, or even a parent who has spoken negative messages to the impressionable young people in your life? How can you be more careful with your words and be quick to apologize when you realize you may have been too negative or heavy-handed in your feedback?

I am pretty embarrassed it has taken me 23 years to realize that I like teaching groups and might even be good at it. What are you realizing about yourself? It’s never too late to try something new. The only failure is an unwillingness to give it a try.

Here are some photos from my group piano performance class today.

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Moving into a new Neighborhood

John 1:14 says “The Word became flesh and dwelt among us.” In the message translation it says “The Word became flesh and moved into the neighborhood.”

We just moved into the Summit Hill neighborhood of St Paul. This is one of the wealthiest neighborhoods in the city. Many of the homes are valued at over a million dollars. We live in a carriage house behind a mansion. Back in the early 1900’s, carriage houses were used for servants and to keep the horses. Our carriage house literally looks like a barn from the outside. It is about the same size as our old house, but all on one level and with two large bedrooms instead of four smaller ones. Our three girls all share a bedroom.

This week, Mark and I attended a gathering of Christians from many walks of life who are looking to be good neighbors in the Twin Cities. This group was called a neighborhood collective. We met at a noisy food hall called Malcolm Yards in Minneapolis and had a very transformative conversation about what it means to truly inhabit your neighborhood. I came away asking myself, “What do I have to offer my new neighborhood on Summit Avenue?”

Because the houses are so much larger than in our old neighborhood and further from the street, I’ve felt a bit disconnected and haven’t had the chance to talk to any of the residents.
In West 7th, we knew who lived in the houses on our block and carried on daily conversations with people out on walks. Since moving to Summit, I have felt isolated and lonely.


Today Ivy begged to have a lemonade stand and I said Yes. After just a few minutes out front, we started attracting customers. What is it that makes people stop and buy a glass of artificially flavored sugar water from a kid? It’s like a magic spell that draws in anyone and everyone.

Because Summit is a popular walking area as well as a busy street, we got lots of customers. Many of the people who stopped were neighbors. They were so friendly and willing to stop and get to know us. It was kind of amazing how easy it was.
One elderly man proudly rattled off the names of everyone who lived on the block on both sides. Then he apologized for talking too much and I joked that I would know who to ask if I needed the inside scoop on the neighborhood. A teacher a few houses down was walking with her dog and apologized about not having any money along to buy lemonade. “I’ll come back,” she said. And sure enough she did. A family who attends the Catholic School down the street where my girls will go next year stopped by and introduced themselves. Another neighbor and his son from across the street came over and chatted awhile. The whole time I kept marveling at how normal it felt. I was the one making it weird by thinking I didn’t fit in the neighborhood or wasn’t fancy or rich enough to relate. These were just people. Normal people. The stereotypes I had invented in my head were not altogether real.

As a family who is struggling to make ends meet, it feels weird to be surrounded by wealth. Some days I ask myself, “why are we here?” But then, like today, God whispers in my ear: “Just wait. Watch me work. I have some really good things coming for you.”
And I say, “Ok, God. May your will be done. Make me an instrument of your peace.”

Posted by Tagged with Artists, Family travel, family US roadtrip, parenting, rest, roadtrip Posted in Uncategorized

Thanks for the Memories

A Year of Travel

Ocean waves crash against the towering cliffs                                                                    

Saguaro cacti raise giant arms to thank the setting sun 

Under cold ground, I pause in wonder at cathedral canyons 

Mountain top drives give new perspective and make me feel small 

The Grand Canyon brings tears to my eyes 

What could I have done to deserve such beauty

I have done nothing, for it is all a gift 

Soft sheets, slow mornings, and plenty of time 

Surprises in the form of beach houses and a Marriot vacation club 

Tiny houses, smelly casitas, creaky cabin beds, and deflating air mattresses 

A wide range of experiences made for a most memorable year

Time for petting horses and watching a rodeo parade 

For watching seabirds on the beach and waiting in anticipation for the daily sunrise and sunset 

Painting, journaling, knitting, watching Wheel of Fortune, and trying new recipes 

Learning about time zones, jellyfish, desert plants, aquaponics, civil rights, and redwood trees 

Eating étouffée, beignets, grits, a crab boil, clam chowder, charcuterie, BBQ, and sweet tea

All of the packing and unpacking helped me know the sweetness of a closet to come home to 

Growing up with cold made a winter of warmth feel extravagant 

What a gift to have so many daily walks to cross the bridges we needed to cross 

So many reunions with family and friends on the story hunt of a lifetime 

Sweet souls gave up their beds and their towels; made us meatloaf, and opened their hearts

We took a leap and the net appeared 

A crazy dream to travel the U.S. for six months became a reality 

Now that we are home, it feels like a dream 

An expansive catalog of memories that I never want to forget       

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Coming Home. How I’ve changed.

What is Home?
After being in 22 States and 25 different host homes over the past 6 months, coming back to one place has been a little disorienting. After the initial rush of unpacking and grocery shopping and settling into our carriage house rental on Summit Avenue in St Paul, the reality of “normal life” is hitting me.

We aren’t going on another trip next week.
We don’t have to pack again.
Who even are our friends now?
Where are we going to go to church?
What schools will the girls attend or will we continue homeschooling?
How will we spend our days staying in one place for the foreseeable future?
So many questions to sort through.
This trip across the country that we have been focusing on for SO long is FINALLY OVER. I thought I’d be more happy about it, but the reality is, I’m kind of sad it’s over.

Everyone is SO BUSY
The biggest difference that I noticed upon returning was how NOT busy we are. Everybody else seems to be running around like crazy people. They wear their busyness like a badge and laugh about how crazy “May-vember” is (comparing May to December because of the number of school programs, graduations, family gatherings, and sporting events).
I have been out of this rat race for so long, and have forgotten what it is like. I HATE being busy so much so that one of my Rules of Life is:

Walk, don’t run, through life

Homeschooling has been a great way to take things slower this year. Most kids we know are getting up early, packing lunches, and hurrying off to school and then after school activities. In contrast, we have had slow mornings, simple routines, and lots of time for exploring outdoors in the afternoons.
I won’t continue homeschooling next year for the simple reason that my kids love going to a school and being with other kids, but if they loved homeschooling, I would strongly consider continuing. It’s not that one is bad and another is better, it’s just I notice more than ever that fitting in with the busy life around me comes with a cost.

I can finally articulate what I feel strongly about

Something I’ve noticed since coming home is that my beliefs have become clearer and stronger. I have grown to love the gay, lesbian, and transgender community and realized how much Jesus wants them included and embraced in our churches and families. What has brought me to this realization? My own two oldest kids and most of their friends identify as part of this community. I have joined a parents of transgender kids support group and have realized that supporting these young people and giving them a place of belonging in a church family, if that is what they choose, is really important. This is difficult because the circles that I have found myself a part of in the past don’t hold these same beliefs. They want to say “all are welcome” but the fact there are no gay couples or transgender people in these churches tells me there is a disconnect somewhere. There is a reason why very few LGBTQ friends (at least those who have come out publicly) become members of evangelical churches. I want to be a part of a better story, because I think that is what Jesus would do.

I want my Yes to be a Resounding “YES!” And not a reluctant whisper of an “ok, I guess.”

On the trip, I got to do a lot of self reflection. I realized that I am a people pleaser and often say “Yes” to things simply to make others happy when everything inside me wants to say “NO Way!” I am a chameleon that changes the way I talk and act based on who I am with in the moment.

I had a dream one night on the trip that opened my eyes to this tendency in me to give too much. In the dream, I pulled out my two front teeth and sent them in the mail to my oldest child. When Mark asked me why I did that, I said “because my child needed my teeth”. Then I looked in the mirror and said “what have I done? I don’t have any teeth!!” Through this dream I realized that I want to give everything to my kids, but some of these sacrifices will leave me feeling resentful and may not even serve my kids well. In the dream, I actually thought that my permanent teeth that I pulled out and gave away would grow back. In reality, they didn’t grow back. They were gone. What is the difference between sacrificial giving and giving too much at the expense of my personal health or well being? I was reminded of this again this week when someone said to me, “Go where you are needed and you will never miss the YES from God”. I don’t think I believe this. I would rather respond with:

“The need is not always the calling”.

There are many times when there is a need and it is not my need to fill. I have already been asked since coming back to be a soccer coach, a volleyball coach, join a church, become a board member for an organization, and the list goes on. Knowing what to say yes and no to is a lifelong art that I we can always get better at. One thing I know more than ever is that I want the things I say YES to to truly light me up and energize me.
I have promised myself that if asked to SPEAK PUBLICLY: whether that be online or in person, I will say YES. This is for a season, because God has told me that I need to overcome my fear of public speaking and the only way to do that is through practice. I have been on two podcasts so far and been asked to speak at a piano teacher event next year. These are HUGE steps for someone who has been terrified to speak in front of an audience of any kind.
Another thing I have told myself I will say YES to is writing. I’d like to write a book about our trip. I’m not sure how to go about doing this, but I trust that it will take shape as I am diligent to make it known and put in the work.

Thanks for listening to my thoughts as I process what it’s like to come back home from 6 months of road trip life. Do you resonate with any of these lessons I’m learning?

Do you want to slow down and learn to not be so busy?

Have you realized a strong belief you hold or beliefs you once held that are no longer helpful?

Do you have trouble saying No to the requests of others? Or maybe you have trouble saying Yes to something that’s been in your heart to do for a long time?

Tell me about it in the comments or send me a personal message, and let’s chat.


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Letting Go

When I became a mother, I didn’t know that my love for my child would not lessen as they aged.   My love would not take breaks when they left home.   My love would not grow cold when my children became distant or seemed not to care.  There would never be a day I wouldn’t think about my kids.   Never a day I would not be their mom.  

As my kids grow older and change, I change along with them.   This is something I didn’t expect.  Growth and change can happen so gradually that you don’t notice it until you remember glimpses of your younger self.  I don’t care about the same things I used to.   The things that used to bother me don’t anymore.   

This winter, on a cold night around a fire pit, I had a moment of revelation.   I realized that I had spent most of the first two decades of being a parent full of fear and worry.   Fear ruled my days and my nights.   If I made big mistakes, would my decisions drastically affect my kids’ futures?   Would something horrible happen if I didn’t protect them?  Would I be seen as too strict or too lenient , depending on who was watching?  I feared a mental health unraveling, unexplained ailments, and urgent care visits.   I feared my kids being bullied, rejected by their peers, or misunderstood.   I feared they might choose the wrong school, the wrong friend group, the wrong job, the wrong college.   This parenting out of fear made life miserable; especially as my kids got older and made decisions that were out of my control.   

I had to forgive myself, that night by the fire, for letting fear rule me for so long.   

There were other fears that paralyzed me besides just those involving my kids.  I had to name those fears and let them all go.   

Only when I let go of my fears could I truly be free.   This letting go is not a one time thing.    It is a conscious daily choice.   We choose to love, and part of that loving is letting go.    

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South Dakota….our LAST stop!!

We did it! We traveled for 6 months and made it across the whole Southern United States from Florida to California. I’m getting excited to sit back and reflect on the trip as a whole, but before that…One More Stop. The beautiful, yet often overlooked state of South Dakota.

We stayed in Rapid City for two nights at the Fairmount Inn (thanks to John and Julie Goos for sharing their hotel points 😊). The girls loved the water park attached to the hotel. We also enjoyed a couple visits with Mark’s aunt and uncle, Kent and Deb. They took us out to their favorite pizza place and also to their house for some lefse and more visiting.

We visited Mount Rushmore and Custer State Park. We saw deer, buffalo, donkeys, and prairie dogs on our drive through the wildlife loop. We would have driven more of the scenic drives if it had been the beginning of the trip, but we were just too tired of driving.

When it got dark, we drove out on a gravel road away from the city lights to look at stars. The Northern Lights were spectacular. A lot of other cars were parked along the same road looking at the lights. The beautiful night came to a sudden end when Ivy had to pee on the side of the road and we simultaneously somehow set off our car alarm. Worried that we were “making a scene” we headed back to the hotel.

Our last stop in South Dakota was in Sioux Falls. We stayed at another hotel and met up at the Olive Garden with Ben and Ona Duebner and their son. We were incredibly honored that they would drive 2 HOURS to see us!! It made our whole week

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Colorado – Part 3

After leaving Boulder, we backtracked to Colorado Springs. On our first trip through the springs, Mark posted something on Instagram about where we were, and a Jr. High classmate from Dassel-Cokato messaged and said:

“You are in my town. Let’s get together!” This classmate offered their house as a place to stay when we came back through the Springs the next weekend. We were able to cancel our airbnb reservation and stay with Chad and Heather instead. This trip has been a series of surprises and blessings. This stay was one of them.
The Behnkens were great hosts. We were able to relax for 4 nights in their beautiful home. They win the award for best view from the kitchen window and the best backyard, with a trampoline and zip-line.

While in the Springs, Malia went to a tennis class, we visited our friends the Housari’s again, and we attended New Life Church where 150 people got baptized on a Sunday!

At this point in the trip, we are all counting down the number of times we have left to pack and unpack our suitcases.
Our next and last stop in Colorado was Greeley, home of Mark’s Bible School classmates, Scott and Rochelle. The Mundfroms were amazing hosts. They rolled out the red carpet for us, taking us out to dinner several times in four nights we were there. Their two oldest daughters are also in college like ours, so we took their empty bedrooms in the basement. Rochelle is a music teacher and has a piano, so it was fun to sit and play a bit. Boy, is my playing rusty after 6 months with no piano! The giant dog, Bogey, kept us company while Scott and Rochelle were at work. The girls took turns filling his bowl with his snack of choice – ice cubes.

Greeley is really close to Loveland, CO where my first childhood piano teacher lives. Her daughter, Becki,met us for an afternoon. She took us to see her mom and dad at the retirement home, and then out to dinner. It was great to see them and reminisce about our childhood days growing up in Marshall, MN.

Our “Friday field trip” this week was to Estes Park. Mark took the girls and I back to the YMCA camp where he spent lots of summers going to AFLBS youth conventions in the 90’s. We walked downtown Estes Park and did all the touristy things like buying taffy and ice cream and touring the Stanley Hotel.

I love visiting old, historic buildings. Walking into the Stanley felt like stepping back in time. There were old postcards displayed, written by guests at the hotel, dating back to the early 1900’s. Reading these postcards reminded me that traveling the country is not a new idea. We have it easy now with modern roads, a great new vehicle, and cell phones to tell us where to go, when to stop, and what to eat. Back when this postcard was written, they couldn’t text their mother in-law the address of where they were staying each night. It was a postcard, a stamp, and a little faith in the US Postal Service.

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Colorado – Part 2

After getting the flat tire on our van fixed in Colorado Springs, we headed to Boulder. We were all very tired by the time we got there.
My aunt Nina and her husband, Cathan have a duplex they let us stay in from Monday-Friday. Nina’s adult children (my cousins) Siera and Dwight live next door, and we enjoyed seeing them while we were there. Dwight showed us a bunch of art projects he is working on and let us pick a few treasure to bring home. Siera gave the girls each a new pair of crocs (pictured below)

On the first full day in Boulder, it was 85 degrees. We walked the Chitagua Trail to see the Flat Irons (a nickname for the 5 large, flat rock slabs on the side of Green Mountain).
We got about half way up and decided to turn around because of the heat. That night we drove to Denver for a Colorado Rockies baseball game against the St Louis Cardinals. Mark is always his happiest self in a sports stadium. We came along for the fun.

Boulder is a college town, the largest being the University of Colorado Boulder. It has the feel of a charming small town, but with big city perks such as great public transportation, award winning breweries, and a thriving downtown. We had some really good gelato at Gelato Boy on Pearl Street (a walkable street lined with cute shops, cafes, and art galleries).

We visited the Red Rocks Amphitheater, a world renown concert venue located about 40 minutes from Boulder. We didn’t see a concert, but did go to check out the place.
It was gorgeous. The closest town to Red Rocks is called Morrison.
We met an old college friend, Tony, and his son at The Cow Eatery for dinner. It was a great time of reconnecting after not seeing each other for many years.

Another cool place we found through my favorite google search “Free Family Activities in ___________ (wherever we happen to be)” was Hammonds Candies in Denver, CO. We took a tour of the factory and got to see ribbon candy, candy canes, and taffy being made. Every piece of candy is handmade and hand packaged in this one facility before being sent all over the U.S. Here is a video I made to remember a fun afternoon at this unique place.

We still have some time left in Colorado. We are back in Colorado Springs for a few days and then on to Greeley for a few days before we move on to South Dakota. Stay tuned!

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Colorado – Part 1

We spent 3 weeks in Colorado. Here’s a little recap of Colorado Springs and Woodland Park where we spent the first week. In my next post, I’ll talk about Denver, Boulder, and Greeley.
We stayed at an Airbnb in Colorado Springs. It was advertised for two people, but I asked if we could bring our own air mattress for the kids and the host seemed agreeable to the idea. It was a great place to stay. After several days of fast food before that, we got to make our own meals using a hot plate and toaster oven.
There were cozy white robes and a towel warmer in the bathroom. Have you heard of a towel warmer for bath towels? I might just have to ask for one of those for Christmas. It was a real treat. We left the Airbnb after 6 days, thought everything was fine, and were shocked when the host reviewed our family with a *one star negative review.
Apparently there were a lot of things she was upset with us for that were never mentioned until we left. We would have had no way of knowing she was upset or given an opportunity to make things right. It was very frustrating. I guess we were due for at least one unsatisfied host to break our streak of good stays for the last 5 months.

While in Colorado Springs, we got to visit a few people we hadn’t seen for many years.

I met up with a childhood friend, Melissa Stynski, at Starbucks. We chatted about our siblings, memories of growing up in Marshall, MN and attending the same Camp Grace in Chandler, MN.
We also spent an afternoon with John and Alysha Housari and their 5 kids.
John came to the Czech Republic with us many years ago and also flew in for a Leap Day event we did in Minneapolis. John is known affectionately as DJ Barnabas.
In the Bible, Barnabas was known as “the son of encouragement”. John and Alysha live up to that name. Their company was very uplifting. They asked us deep questions about our marriage, mental health, family. We really soaked up the hours we had with them.


While homeschooling, we are always looking for field trips and educational experiences on the road. One field trip in Colorado Springs was to an aquaponic lettuce greenhouse. Their mission is to help organizations launch local food systems that reduce poverty with dignity. They believe in long-term solutions that prosper local economies. On Tuesday and Friday mornings, between 20-100 volunteers come to harvest the lettuce. The couple who gave us the tour also run the Youth With a Mission Training School that shares the same property. They were very knowledgable and passionate about their work. We learned a lot about what goes into aquaponic farming.

For Easter weekend, we headed up to Woodland Park, which is located near the base of Pikes Peak. We were super excited to see our friends, Tim and Dana Kramer and their 5 kids. Since their house is small, they asked some of their friends with an open basement apartment if we could stay there for the weekend. They graciously hosted us even though we had never met. On Friday night, we went to a Seder Passover meal.
The Seder Meal is a tradition celebrated by people of the Jewish faith during Passover. The meal consists of rituals, liturgy and food meant to represent parts of the Exodus story where the people of Israel were led from slavery in Egypt to freedom in the Promised Land. Even though I have attended church and read the Bible my whole life, I learned new things from the Seder. Christians have much to gain by hearing from our Jewish friends and neighbors.

On Saturday, we drove 45 minutes and 14,000 feet up to the top of Pikes Peak. The temperature dropped about 30 degrees. At the top of the mountain, I found it hard to breathe. We had been warned about this elevation sickness. It is something you really need to experience to understand. I’m glad we did it, but probably wouldn’t feel the need to drive up more than once. We can say “been there, done that.”

On Easter Sunday, we joined the Kramers and two other families they knew from church for a delicious potluck lunch of smoked brisket, roasted veggies on the grill, mac n cheese, fruit, and this amazing pavlova with candied lemon.

The kids had fun finding Easter eggs hidden in the backyard and jumping on the trampoline.

We ended up getting an extra day in Woodland Park because on the way out of town, we got a flat tire and it took most of Monday to get it towed and repaired. We are grateful for kind friends who flexed with the change of plans. Thank you, Tim and Dana!