Lessons from my first born
Parenthood is about celebrating the child you have, not the child you thought you would have. It’s about understanding that the little person whose diapers you are changing and laundry you are washing will some day become an adult.
When I began this journey of parenting I had an idea in my mind of how things were supposed to go. From the very start, nothing seemed to go according to my grand plan. A natural, drug free water birth turned into a 30 hour labor that wouldn’t progress and ended in a C-section. My plan to breastfeed became bottle feeding. My plan to send my daughter to public school turned into homeschooling.
Being a parent was everything I hoped for and at the same time, nothing I expected.
My first born was so unique. She knew what she wanted and let everyone around her know it. She had strong opinions and a loud voice to make them known. There were foods she liked to eat and foods she refused. There was no such thing as bed time like other kids. She just couldn’t get to sleep.
Her interests were specific and intense. When she cared about a subject, she set out to learn everything there was to know about it. When she turned 2, my husband bought her a U.S. puzzle. By 3, she knew all the states and could put it together by herself. She quickly moved onto the countries and their capitals and began reading study guides for the national geography bee. She had a Birds of Prey phase in the beginning of 1st grade. She devoured books about birds and visited Hawk Ridge and the Eagle Center. Other phases included Shakespeare, Novel writing, Anime, and Japanese.
I homeschooled my daughter from 2nd-6th grade, but she taught me way more than I taught her. I learned about twice exceptional learners (those who are ahead of their peers intellectually, but fall behind in other areas like emotional regulation or social skills). Her anxiety began affecting her health when she turned 11 and developed unexplained stomachs pain and trouble sleeping.
When she reached her pre-teen years, she felt isolated being home all the time with just a few scattered friends, mostly online. She decided to try a performing arts high school. It ended up being a great fit.
At 15, she went through testing for autism spectrum disorder (ASD). The diagnosis came as a relief. I could finally find language to explain why school and social interactions had been such a challenge. She was able to reach out to others on the autism spectrum and ask for advice about her concerns.
My daughter, Ellie Charis, has taught me so much. Being her mom and walking through this life alongside her has been one of the most challenging and rewarding things I’ve ever done.
Ellie has an incredible mind. She feels deeply and speaks out about the issues and the people she cares about. Her current passions are play writing and directing, LGBTQ rights, and climate change activism. She marches to the beat of her own drum and her example has challenged me to find my own rhythm in life that may or may not look like what I expected.
