To church or not to church?
It’s Sunday. Growing up that meant going to church. We always went to church. The only reason we didn’t go is if we were sick or out of town. Even in a snowstorm, church was rarely cancelled. Those who were able found a way to get there. It was a family affair. Everyone went. No questions asked.
This fierce loyalty to a Sunday gathering of believers stuck with me through college and into adulthood. I simply COULD NOT skip church. Anytime I did, I heard a voice in my ear saying “don’t forsake the gathering of believers as some are in the habit of doing.” This was a Bible verse frequently quoted as a reason not to skip church.
I never asked myself if I liked going to church. It was just something I did. As I moved from place to place in my young adult life, I found myself finding a similar church in whatever new place I went. These churches all had in common an emphasis on loyalty and being “under authority”. Everyone loved you until you left. If you moved to another similar church, “fine”, but if you moved to a more “progressive or liberal church” or became Catholic or ELCA Lutheran (God forbid!) that was not OK. I could anticipate the shaking of the head and deep sigh from the church leaders as they watched people leave for other churches.
In my 30’s, I began to question my faith traditions for the first time. I became tired and disillusioned with church as I had always known it. A lot of it no longer seemed relevant. My husband and I decided to stop going to church on Sundays for awhile. It was such a strange feeling. We would go to parks and see families playing together and enjoying the weather and time in nature on a Sunday morning. They seemed so relaxed and happy. They weren’t thinking about who was in church and who wasn’t. After being in active ministry and highly involved in the ins and outs of a Sunday service for my entire life, this shift was just plain weird.
I started seeing the world through a non-church lens. I started meeting people on Sunday mornings that I never had time to meet when I was in church. I started Resting on Sundays. Those who have been in a ministry position know that Sundays are never restful. I started seeing the church as more than just a building where people gathered on Sundays at 10am. This break from church was an important time for me. A needed a change of pace to shake some unhelpful religious ideas off of me.
After awhile, I started to miss church services. I missed the singing, being able to ask someone for prayer, the pot luck dinners, the feeling of being a part of a community that cares for each other. I even missed the quirky and weird parts of church. Every church I’ve ever been to is just weird. Even the ones that are trying to not be. I went back again with new eyes. I saw all the flaws and I saw the trappings of trying to organize something that Jesus intended to be free flowing and organic. I saw the downsides to hierarchy and the pride in thinking we have it figured out or know the “right way”. I accepted the fact that church will never be what I want it to be. I accepted the fact that God is much bigger than one church or one type of church but still chooses to use the people in them.
How each believer chooses to “be the church” will look differently. I no longer judge someone who chooses to not “go to church” on Sunday. My husband doesn’t go to church and neither do my teenagers most of the time. I’m sad about that sometimes, but I never want them to feel that church attendance is required to gain my love and acceptance. I want my husband and kids’ faith to be their own. I now realize that there are lots of different ways that people choose to worship and I am not meant to be the judge of which way is best.
Today I woke up and didn’t feel like going to church. That old feeling of guilt came back as strong as ever and I lay in bed for a half hour wrestling with myself. Then, I decided to stay home. It was good and it was what was needed for today.
How about you? Do you have a complicated history with church? Do Sundays look the same for you now as they did as a child or young adult? I’d love to hear about it.