My love for you is not dependent on your good grades, how you look, how much you weigh, or what you wear
My love for you is not dependent on which friends you keep, who you date, or whether you graduate
My love for you is not dependent on your gender identity, your sexual orientation, the state of your mental health, or the amount of money you earn
My love for you is not dependent on if you marry, who you marry, or whether you have children
My love for you will not change if you get cancelled on the Internet, are suspended, arrested, fired from a job, get pregnant, or get an abortion
You are not a disappointment to me like you may be thinking. I may be disappointed in circumstances or my shattered expectations. I may be surprised by things you say or frustrated with how things turn out
I may hurt if you are hurting and get angry and want to blame someone. I may say things I regret and may make you feel like you are a disappointment –
But, you are not.
My love for you will always remain
For as long as I breathe, you are my child You cannot earn this love You cannot change this love or lose it This love for you is fierce. And it’s never going away
I don’t know about you, but for me Christmas stirs up feelings of not having enough to give.
I want to enjoy going to the stores and filling my cart with the perfect gifts for everyone on my list.
Wouldn’t it be great if I could make some of those perfectly decorated cookies?
Maybe I could snap my fingers and have a pile of cute Christmas cards with our family photo on them addressed and ready to send?
Maybe this will be the year we finally have matching PJs and stockings with my childrens’ names on them?
Wouldn’t it be great to be invited to a Christmas party where we sip mulled wine and listen to live jazz while the kids are at home with a babysitter who volunteered their time to give us a night off?
OK – Stop the Daydream already.
I had forgotten these sentiments since being on our road trip and away from the usual December crazy.
Today, I went into Hobby Lobby and the feelings all came rushing back. I saw the crowded aisles of shoppers filling their carts with wrapping paper, ornaments, and craft supplies. The stress and overwhelm of December wrapped me in its grip.
As a mom, I feel a lot of pressure to give my kids a great Christmas. I want them to be happy. I know that celebrating Jesus’ birth was never intended to become what it has in our American culture. I’ve tried the advent devotionals and simplifying mantras, but the feelings of inadequacy creep back in so easily.
I’ve made room for the little voices in my head. “Your kids will never have as good of a Christmas as their friends because you can’t give them ______________” (name the things you are missing)
This year, my Christmas will look very different. We will be in the Florida Keys. I have no idea how to plan for it or what to expect. We will be missing Elliot, our oldest child who will be in Boston (our first Christmas without all 6 of us). We won’t have snow, and we may not have a tree or the usual gifts. My kids are not happy about “missing Christmas” back home.
I am amazed at how we can be in a tropical paradise and the kids can still find things to be unhappy about.
The reality is that Christmas is a beautiful mess of wrapping paper piles, burnt cookies, and crying children.
Along with the crazy, we all hope for moments of wonder sprinkled in. These moments help us realize that we are ALIVE and BREATHING, and that is a miracle in itself. This beautiful and weird life we are living is ours. We don’t need to be like the others.
LOVE cannot be bought. It is freely given and can be freely received. That is the best news for those who don’t feel like they have done enough to deserve love and don’t have money to pay for it.
I AM looking forward to Christmas in Florida. It will be different, but different isn’t always bad. Look at Jesus. He was very different. He chose a group of rag tag followers that were rejected by the rest of society. He did not have a home. He was not born under a beautifully decorated tree. He was born in a barn. It smelled. It was uncomfortable. His parents felt alone and probably didn’t fit in with their friends or family.
My Christmas wish for you is that you would know beyond a shadow of a doubt that you are enough.
You don’t need to try harder or spend more money or do more things. Your gift to those around you is being comfortable in your own skin and loving the best you know how.
In this post I will be answering some commonly asked questions we get about our 6 month road trip.
How can you be gone from home so long without an RV?
The way we get around not having an RV is by staying with people that we know. We sent out a letter to a bunch of people that we hoped would host us about 6 months before the trip started. Based on those who responded, we planned our route. We knew there would be a few places would settle for a longer time in an airbnb, but for the most part, we wanted to stay with people.
This was not only a financial decision, but also because it aligned with the vision of the trip. One of our goals was to step into peoples’ normal lives and to see friends and family we wouldn’t normally see.
How is this trip different than a vacation?
We are staying with people we know instead of in hotels. We keep eating out to a minimum and pack drinks and snacks in a cooler when we are on the road. We have a daily routine that includes school, work, and alone time. Each day, the kids and I do school in the morning while Mark does DJ work. In the afternoon we go exploring. It’s not constant excitement. There are plenty of boring days and quite ordinary days.
What does homeschooling look like?
I would say my homeschooling style is “eclectic”. I draw from a wide range of different resources and educational methods My comfort zone leans more towards unschooling, but my kids have come from traditional school and will return to traditional school after this year, so I’m trying to keep the subject content similar to what they are used to. I carry all our school books and supplies in this one bag. We started with a larger tote, but then realized it needed to be small enough to carry in and out of a the van, a library, or a coffee shop.
This bag was originally my piano teaching bag, but now has morphed into my homeschool bag. A normal day of homeschool includes
✍️grammar from a textbook
🟰math from a textbook
🇺🇸 study of the state we are traveling through (the girls love to guess the state bird, state tree, population, year of statehood, famous people, rivers, lakes, and mountain ranges)
📖read aloud
✍️Spanish.
🩻Science – the human body
If we do all these subjects it still only takes about 2 hours, so we have lots of time for exploring or visiting with friends we are staying with. Malia enjoys looking for tennis courts to play on and trying new recipes.
You must really like each other? This question cracks me up. It IS a lot of time together in tight spaces. By the grace of God, we are getting along so far. We have been bonding as a family in a way that we wouldn’t if we were back home. I’m grateful for this time to get to know my husband and kids in a new way.
What has been hardest so far? The kids have been complaining about missing their friends and schools (especially the first week). I worry about if we are doing the right thing and whether we will regret any of this year. I have felt like I am letting down my piano students by leaving them this year. Not having a regular community of friends and jumping from place to place can be challenging. Being away from our families and older kids, especially on holidays is hard.
What are you most looking forward to?
🌊Being by the ocean in Florida and California. 🏠Seeing friends we haven’t seen for a long time. 📚✍️Extra time for daily reading and writing
We stayed with Nate and Rachel Korhonen and their kids in Signal Mountain, TN for 2 nights. They live on the top of a literal mountain. We were told that if they get heavy rain or even a small amount of snow, they close the road. Thankfully, they rarely get snow. It was in the 70’s and sunny while we were there (in November)
Since we stayed on top of the mountain, we were given the tour of all the great overlooks. We even woke up early enough in the morning to go watch the sunrise.
We had the BEST food while we were with the Korhonen’s. Nate showed us how to make salsa and also the ins and outs of how to make the “perfect cup of coffee”.
We went into downtown Chattanooga, walked across the foot bridge, and ate pasta at Tony’s. It was an evening I will remember for a long time. The weather was perfect and the ravioli with sun dried tomato and artichoke cream sauce was impeccable. The laughter of our children as they enjoyed each others’ company warmed my heart.
I really loved this city and loved the Korhonen family. We will be back.
Did you grow up on Totinos or Jacks frozen pizza and then one day discover how good pizza can be with a homemade crust and fresh ingredients? I met Jen Levin a few years ago when her family moved to St Paul. When we met, I could tell in one conversation that she was what I call a “midlife creative.” I caught her sketching during the sermon at church, found out she was an expert gardener, and amazing cook (well, pretty amazing compared to me!) The first time I was at her house, she told me that she makes homemade pizza for her family almost every Friday night. It was a Monday and they were eating the leftovers for lunch. I thought to myself, ”Now here is someone I can learn from….or at the very least, get some good pizza from!”
Time passed and I followed the photos of Jen’s pizzas on her Instagram. The ingredients she used were so unique and I was impressed by her commitment to improve this pizza making craft. I asked if I could come over on a Friday night and watch her work her magic.
When I arrived at the Levin home, Jen had the dough ready and ingredients prepped. She had made the dough the night before and let it rise overnight. I always thought pizza dough had to rise in the oven or in a warm place, but this is not necessary. As long as the dough stays room temperature and you don’t live in a really cold house, it should be fine. The crust recipe Jen uses is just flour, water, salt, and yeast. She buys her flour in a 50lb bag from Cosettas market in St Paul. That bag of flour lasts her 6 months. She says that she gets a lot of funny looks and questions when she comes in asking for that amount of flour.
Jen has a large family so she usually makes at least 6 pizzas at a time. As I watched her, she made it look so easy. She tossed each circle of dough into the air, fashioning it into a crust.
There were a few things that surprised me. One, was how simple the red sauce was. Just whole tomatoes from a can and spices. Two, she didn’t pre-cook her sausage. She put it on the pizza raw. The high temperature of the broiler cooks the sausage throughout in a matter of minutes. There is no need to pre-cook the meat.
This is Jen’s favorite cookbook where she gets her crust recipe and inspiration for toppings. My Pizza by Jim Lahey.
This pizza was 1/2 thinly sliced apple, garlic butter, and cheddar cheese and 1/2 onion, rosemary, pistachios, and grated parmesan. This one was more of a traditional supreme with pepperoni, sausage, green olives, and mozzarella. My favorite pizza of the night was one with goat cheese, sausage, mushrooms, and olives. I decided I am definitely a fan of goat cheese (something I would never think to try on my own)
The trickiest part of the pizza making, in my opinion, is the baking. Jen uses the broiler setting on her oven. She puts one pizza in the bottom broiler drawer and another on the bottom shelf of the oven. Then she rotates them a couple minutes into the cooking process. The bottom broiler cooks the bottom crust and the top oven finishes browning the top of the pizza
This is the ”peel” she uses to take the pizzas out of the oven. I need to get myself one of these.
I asked Jen about her inspiration for pizza making. She said some of the best pizza she ever ate was in Sicily while living there with her family for 3 months. Restaurants in Italy wouldn’t typically open until 8pm and they had little kids with bedtimes. They found a place close to their apartment that opened at 7pm and it became a favorite spot.
During our pre-dinner chat, there were also stories of a New York City pizza she ate once after a run in the rain, and ”the best pizza ever” with her sister at Pizza Bianco in Phoenix, AZ.
Why every Friday night?
As I watched this labor of love unfold (the whole process took close to two hours) I wondered to myself if the time and effort was worth it. Why not just order take out?
It became clear as I watched Jen making those pizzas, that this was important to her and to her family. She told me that this is something everyone loves and something they look forward to. She enjoys getting people together, and the laid back atmosphere of chatting while the pizzas are coming out of the oven, one by one. “I love good food and I love making it for people and with people,” she says.
Upon tasting the final product, all my questions faded away. This pizza, made with love, was an incredible gift and a creative expression from the chef.
Jen’s longterm goal is to have her own food truck. I hope that this can become a reality.
I’ll be first in line to order!
“I’ll have the sausage, olives, mushrooms, and goat cheese.”
Here are my top 5 highs and 2 lows from 2021. It really was hard to narrow it down.
HIGHS
5. Camping at Pattison State Park. Those of you who know me well, know that I love being outdoors. We have slowly started to dip our toes into the world of camping – very slowly. We found this gem of a state park just over the border in Wisconsin thanks to our friends @volkmanadventures on Instagram. This park had two beautiful waterfalls, a swimming beach, and was just a short drive to Duluth.
Tabby invited a friend who was a great addition to the camping crew.
4. Outdoor Piano Recital. As a piano teacher, I missed gathering with my students during 2020 and was thrilled when one of my piano families agreed to host an outdoor spring recital in their huge front yard. Mark set up speakers and I used my Clavinova which is easy to transport. We had two recitals in the same day to accommodate my 30+ students and all their families. It was a sunny and joyous day!
3. Spark Studio. My husband, Mark, saw an empty basement in his friend Bryn’s office and decided it had potential. He made it into a studio space complete with custom artwork, lighting, and furniture from Facebook marketplace. He began hosting small concerts and gatherings to connect with new and old friends who are musicians. Through this experience Mark has realized his gift of “placemaking”
2. Back to School. After a long stretch of distance learning and online piano teaching, our kids all got to go back to school in person. Even though we are still in masks and not able to enter the buildings as parents or meet the teachers in person, it is still quite thrilling to be back after the year we had. Ellie got to go to college at Mount Holyoke on the East Coast in August which was both a high and low as I grieved and celebrated seeing my oldest enter adulthood. Ellie flew out on their own and and my sister in law helped with the move-in. We all went out to visit over Thanksgiving and were able to see the campus (or at least the outside of the buildings)
Here’s Ellie at Mount Holyoke showing off a theater festival they were a part of.
1. Punta Cana. My obvious top High for 2021 was our 20th anniversary trip to Punta Cana, Dominican Republic in January. It was the trip dreams are made of. Mark and I stayed at an all inclusive resort and spent a whole week lounging by the pool, on the beach, eating, drinking, and being together. It was AMAZING.
LOWS
Nobody likes to share lows but they are a very real part of life. This year 2 lows come to mind immediately.
1. I had a hysterectomy for uterine prolapse in May and spent a full 6 weeks recovering at home. I am happy to have it behind me.
2. This year was especially challenging for my 2 oldest young adult children as they dealt with physical and mental health challenges. It was hard for me to see them both struggling and not knowing how I could help.
Why Reflect? Thinking back on the year brings into focus what we care about. It helps us embrace a full range of emotions from joy to grief to frustration to hope. I hope you will take time to think about your highs and lows and share them with me or others in your life. Happy New Year!
My Dad woke up before the sun (4:30am sometimes). He read his Bible, wrote in his notebook, made his eggs or oatmeal, and did his paper route. .
Dad had already had a full morning before the rest of the family rolled out of bed. There were 7 of us kids. My youngest brother was born when I was 17, so there was 2-3 years between each of us.
My Dad was a teacher. Even though he is retired now, he still teaches us. That is who he is. He taught at Holy Redeemer Catholic School for 12 years. I liked how he always spoke respectfully about the nuns and the school even though he wasn’t Catholic. It helped me realize how important it is to respect and learn from many faith traditions.
He left that job to help a group of parents start a non-denominational Christian School. It was a big project; starting a school from nothing. It began with a handful of students grades 1-4 and then a grade was added each year. I was a part of the first 4th grade class. It was a one room school house of sorts at the beginning. There were multiple grades sharing the same teacher. He taught there for the rest of his career. The school had very humble beginnings. Dad was one of the people who made a lot of sacrifices to keep it going.
One thing that stands out in my mind is how Dad stayed after school to help kids who needed extra help. It was always the same kids. I’m sure it required a lot of patience, but Dad never seemed frustrated. He whistled a lot and had a strong faith that sustained him.
Dad’s specialty was science and I always knew he was in awe of nature. I remember him listening to a certain cassette tape while we washed dishes after supper. It was a man explaining how small humans are in relation to the galaxies in the universe. He loved that tape.
We would often go hiking at Camden State Park and Dad would a stop and point out different plants, trees, and mushrooms along the path. He also loved showing us how to classify leaves each fall.
My Dad valued my mom and always put her first. They were opposites in many ways, but a good match. When I was young, my parents did foster care for adults with disabilities. Then, for a season, Grandma Shirley moved in with them and then my Uncle Gary. They cared for many people in need. More than I even know about.
I am so happy to have been born an Oglesby. Thanks Dad for all the sacrifices you have made, both known and unknown. I love you.
“Learn to love the kid you have, not the kid you thought you would have.”
When I was pregnant with my first child, I had my idea of how it would go. I imagined the birth and the early years. I always pictured my life with kids. It was a dream of mine. I thought being a mom would be the easiest thing in the world.
My kids would be sweet and quiet and thoughtful. They would enjoy reading, music, and participating in church activities. As teenagers, they would teach preschool Sunday school and go on mission trips to third world countries. They would love going to the library and ask me daily to read aloud to them. My kids would never raise their voices or speak unkindly. They would eat everything on their plates and always say thank you. They would never struggle with depression or anxiety. They would share with me everything on their minds and would most definitely never tell a lie.
I now see how clueless I was about parenting. Here’s how I see it now, 19 years in.
Being a parent is seemingly endless days of taking care of another tiny human like nothing else matters. These days and sleepless nights turn into months and years. The cute babies turn into toddlers with tantrums and fevers and strange illnesses you never knew existed. When the diaper stage ends, you throw a celebration and breathe a collective sigh.
Early elementary school means finally getting a break (unless you homeschool) and re-assessing your priorities. You get a little bit of your life back and start sleeping through the night. These are the gravy years. There is the occasional case of head lice or stomach flu or a trip to the ER in the middle of the night, but overall it’s a great time for posting every moment with your adorable child on Facebook and Instagram.
School can be exhausting for some kids and if your kid is bullied, you feel it too. Picky eaters are a real thing (God, why?!) I never imagined I would give birth to a picky eater. If your child is neuro-divergent, you can become overwhelmed when you realize your kid isn’t like their peers. If your kid is __________ (fill in your own blank), you realize that the real marathon of being a supportive cheerleader for your child is just beginning.
Middle school and highschool bring questions like “What about cell phones and social media?” “What about dating and sex?” “What about friends and parties, curfews, jobs, driving?” You feel like you are always worried and wondering if you are doing things right.
As the years go by, you begin to get a glimpse of who your child is becoming. Their strengths and talents emerge. You have some proud moments where you see all the years of investment begin to bear fruit. There are also days when you say “What the hell?!” You find yourself swearing a lot more than usual. And also praying a lot more than usual.
Here is what I know. Not all are meant to have kids. I appreciate those who have chosen not to have kids or those who are unable to have kids just as much as those who do.
This post is mostly to say to those who are early in the kid game, be careful to keep an open mind and let your kids become who they are meant to be, not who you expect them to be. I now realize that if my kids would have become who I expected they would be, I would have never had the opportunity to grow and change into who I am becoming. My kids have helped make me stronger, wiser, and better. They have helped broaden my perspective and given me a greater empathy for people who are different than me. They have kept me curious, humble, and dependent on God and others.
Thanks kids! This momma is forever grateful for each of you being YOU!
It’s no surprise that I see myself as a helper. My desire to help comes largely from observing my parents who are both helpers.
My Dad was always picking up around the house when I was young. There were 7 kids, so no shortage of messes to pick up. We didn’t have a dish washer, so dishes were all done by hand. Dad would wash and us kids would take turns rinsing and drying. It was always a race to keep up with Dad’s washing. He was FAST! My dad was a teacher and principal, but before school he delivered newspapers to multiple routes. I think the paper routes started as my little brothers’ routes, but the boys grew tired of them and my dad took them over. I’m not quite sure how that worked, but the paper routes continued even after all the kids were grown. Dad also gave people rides to doctor appointments in Sioux Falls, SD and drove people to the Twin Cities occasionally when they didn’t have a car. He was quick to volunteer at church if someone had a need. He was known for leading backyard Bible clubs at the park and writing plays with his students for their dinner theater each year. My mom always had a way with the elderly. I remember her visiting the nursing home most weekends when I was a child and then later in life it became her job as she did home health care. To this day, she can be found helping elderly ladies in her hometown of Marshall, MN with daily hygiene, grocery shopping, appointments, and companionship. She also cared for her mother, who moved in with my parents during her final years. When I had surgery a couple weeks ago, my mom came a filled our freezer with meals.
The helpers in my life don’t stop there. I also married into a family of helpers. Mark’s parents have been caregivers for several older family members and friends over the years. They took people into their home to live with them, treating them with great care. Their whole world is their kids and grandkids and anytime any of us need a ride or a favor, they are quick to jump in the car and meet the need, even if it means driving an hour or more. Mark’s mom is always bringing us care packages of soups, puzzles, photo albums, and the latest and greatest cleaning supplies. Being surrounded by so many helpers makes it feel natural for me to want to help. This has its ups and downsides. The benefits of helping are obvious and quickly applauded; the downsides are harder to see at first.
Here are a few challenges/downsides that helpers wrestle with.
#1. A tendency to want to avoid conflict. We seek to meet every need before anyone feels uncomfortable. We want a peaceful environment where everyone gets along. Rocking the boat is to be avoided at all costs.
#2. A “need to be needed” is often common in helpers. When our helping is not acknowledged or reciprocated, we can become bitter and resentful. “Look at all I’ve done for you and you don’t even seem to care” is a common thought. Sometimes what we don’t realize is the person we have done so much for may have not even been asking for help in the first place. Helpers need to be aware of their own motivation. Are we giving in order to get something in return? Are we keeping score in our heads of who is returning our favors and who is not?
#3. Helpers have a tendency toward burn-out. We need to love ourselves as much as we love others. We need to take days and weeks off from helping. We must set boundaries for ourselves and get comfortable saying “no” or “that doesn’t work for me today”
As I have been recovering from surgery, it has become crystal clear how much helping I really do on a daily basis. This forced rest is helping me appreciate the helpers who have brought me meals, visited, and helped give the kids rides and done housework. Cheers to the helpers. You are important and loved.
