Midlife Creative

I don’t know about you, but for me Christmas stirs up feelings of not having enough to give.

I want to enjoy going to the stores and filling my cart with the perfect gifts for everyone on my list.

Wouldn’t it be great if I could make some of those perfectly decorated cookies?

Maybe I could snap my fingers and have a pile of cute Christmas cards with our family photo on them addressed and ready to send?

Maybe this will be the year we finally have matching PJs and stockings with my childrens’ names on them?

Wouldn’t it be great to be invited to a Christmas party where we sip mulled wine and listen to live jazz while the kids are at home with a babysitter who volunteered their time to give us a night off?

OK – Stop the Daydream already.

I had forgotten these sentiments since being on our road trip and away from the usual December crazy.

Today, I went into Hobby Lobby and the feelings all came rushing back. I saw the crowded aisles of shoppers filling their carts with wrapping paper, ornaments, and craft supplies. The stress and overwhelm of December wrapped me in its grip.

As a mom, I feel a lot of pressure to give my kids a great Christmas.
I want them to be happy. I know that celebrating Jesus’ birth was never intended to become what it has in our American culture. I’ve tried the advent devotionals and simplifying mantras, but the feelings of inadequacy creep back in so easily.

I’ve made room for the little voices in my head.
“Your kids will never have as good of a Christmas as their friends because you can’t give them ______________” (name the things you are missing)

This year, my Christmas will look very different. We will be in the Florida Keys. I have no idea how to plan for it or what to expect. We will be missing Elliot, our oldest child who will be in Boston (our first Christmas without all 6 of us). We won’t have snow, and we may not have a tree or the usual gifts. My kids are not happy about “missing Christmas” back home.

I am amazed at how we can be in a tropical paradise and the kids can still find things to be unhappy about.

The reality is that Christmas is a beautiful mess of wrapping paper piles, burnt cookies, and crying children.

Along with the crazy, we all hope for moments of wonder sprinkled in. These moments help us realize that we are ALIVE and BREATHING, and that is a miracle in itself. This beautiful and weird life we are living is ours. We don’t need to be like the others.

LOVE cannot be bought.
It is freely given and can be freely received. That is the best news for those who don’t feel like they have done enough to deserve love and don’t have money to pay for it.

I AM looking forward to Christmas in Florida. It will be different, but different isn’t always bad. Look at Jesus. He was very different. He chose a group of rag tag followers that were rejected by the rest of society. He did not have a home. He was not born under a beautifully decorated tree. He was born in a barn. It smelled. It was uncomfortable. His parents felt alone and probably didn’t fit in with their friends or family.

My Christmas wish for you is that you would know beyond a shadow of a doubt that you are enough.

You don’t need to try harder or spend more money or do more things. Your gift to those around you is being comfortable in your own skin and loving the best you know how.

Merry Christmas from the Sunshine State!