Posted by Tagged with childhood memories, family, parenting Posted in Uncategorized

My Dad

My Dad woke up before the sun (4:30am sometimes). He read his Bible, wrote in his notebook, made his eggs or oatmeal, and did his paper route. .


Dad had already had a full morning before the rest of the family rolled out of bed. There were 7 of us kids. My youngest brother was born when I was 17, so there was 2-3 years between each of us.


My Dad was a teacher. Even though he is retired now, he still teaches us. That is who he is. He taught at Holy Redeemer Catholic School for 12 years. I liked how he always spoke respectfully about the nuns and the school even though he wasn’t Catholic. It helped me realize how important it is to respect and learn from many faith traditions.

He left that job to help a group of parents start a non-denominational Christian School. It was a big project; starting a school from nothing. It began with a handful of students grades 1-4 and then a grade was added each year. I was a part of the first 4th grade class. It was a one room school house of sorts at the beginning. There were multiple grades sharing the same teacher. He taught there for the rest of his career. The school had very humble beginnings. Dad was one of the people who made a lot of sacrifices to keep it going.


One thing that stands out in my mind is how Dad stayed after school to help kids who needed extra help. It was always the same kids. I’m sure it required a lot of patience, but Dad never seemed frustrated. He whistled a lot and had a strong faith that sustained him.


Dad’s specialty was science and I always knew he was in awe of nature. I remember him listening to a certain cassette tape while we washed dishes after supper. It was a man explaining how small humans are in relation to the galaxies in the universe. He loved that tape.

We would often go hiking at Camden State Park and Dad would a stop and point out different plants, trees, and mushrooms along the path. He also loved showing us how to classify leaves each fall.

My Dad valued my mom and always put her first. They were opposites in many ways, but a good match.
When I was young, my parents did foster care for adults with disabilities. Then, for a season, Grandma Shirley moved in with them and then my Uncle Gary. They cared for many people in need. More than I even know about.


I am so happy to have been born an Oglesby.
Thanks Dad for all the sacrifices you have made, both known and unknown. I love you.





Posted by Tagged with art, creativity, Play, rest Posted in Uncategorized

PLAY

I have been thinking a lot about the word PLAY. Spend a day with a small child and they will remind you how delightful playing can be. Kids love building things and creating colorful worlds with their imagination. They are always on the move – dancing, bouncing, flipping, and jumping. They make a lot of noise, strange sounds, and funny faces. I’ve observed kids confidently share their stories and observations without any fear of rejection or criticism.

Here are 4 things I’ve observed while being around children. These words spell P L A Y.

PRETEND – Kids enjoy making up stories and imaginary worlds in their heads.

LAUGH – Kids laugh at everything. They think the littlest things are hilarious.

ASK – Kids ask a lot of questions. Questions are normal and expected.

YELL – Kids yell and cry a lot. They tell you what they are feeling and they don’t care whether it’s a good time or not.

As adults, we stop speaking up because we don’t want to be a bother. We stuff our feelings and stay quiet to keep the peace. We stop pretending, laughing, and asking questions.

What are some ways we can continue to “play” as adults? Here is a list of ideas my 7 year old helped me make.

Ride a scooter or snow mobile
Dye your hair
Play with bubbles.
Color or draw in a sketch book.
Fly a kite
Make homemade jewelry
Do a DIY craft
Play at a park.
Get some new picture books at the library
Have a spa day.
Make a fun music playlist
Go rock climbing
Play volleyball outside.
Invite someone to your house to play together

Whatever you decide that “Playing” means for you, I hope you will intentionally work it into your life. I’d love to hear your ideas.




Posted by Tagged with hobbies, rest, Selfcare Posted in Uncategorized

Plant Lady?

I’ve never paid much attention to plants. Lots of people own house plants. Some more than others. I always just saw these small green things as a luxury that I could pass by. When I’d walk into Trader Joe’s and see the plants, I would admire them, but never consider buying one because I was usually mentally adding up the cost of groceries and would rather eat than spend the money on something to look at.

Then one day I bought a plant and realized, “gosh, I really get a lot of joy out of being around this tiny living thing.”

I told my friend Melinda, “I have this one flowering plant in front of my house and I just sit and look at it every morning as I drink my coffee, and it makes me so happy”.

She said “Wow. If one plant makes you that happy, just imagine if you had a whole bunch of them how happy you would be”.

I start noticing plants everywhere I turned. Last winter, I bought a couple plants at IKEA and started watering them. I was so shocked that they stayed alive more than a month. One of them even started growing like crazy.

What is happening? These plants are staying alive! The one that surprised me the most was this one.

I got it as a gift from my daughter’s friend, Jose, last spring. It died for a week and then it came back to life and it’s been flowering ever since. I brought it inside and it is still going strong 6 months later. It’s like the little plant that never quits. It has died and come back to life multiple times. This little pink beauty reminds me that we cannot predict the future. So much is out of our hands, but we believe the best for people, and sometimes they surprise us.

My favorite houseplant right now is this one.

It started very small when I got it last winter. It has grown so much, and I love it. I am so easily impressed since I never expected these small living things to stay alive.

Here are a few other plants I’ve enjoyed watering that are no longer with us. (I guess they are not all meant to have a long life).

Do you love plants? Give me your best tips. I think I’m a plant lady on the verge of conversion!

Posted by Posted in Uncategorized

20 years of marriage

I talk about my kids a lot. What I don’t talk about as much is my marriage. This does not mean my husband is not important to me. On the contrary, Mark Haugen means the world to me. He is, hands down, the most influential person in my life.

Let me explain.
Mark is a big thinker, a big personality, and a carrier of big ideas. When I met him, I had zero vision for anything I hadn’t seen before. Nevertheless, I was attracted to his energy, positivity, and big vision. Something in me said, “I want some of that.”
I was his opposite. Quiet, cautious, and the ultimate people pleaser. My motto was “we live in a perfectly good boat, why rock it?” Mark was exactly what I didn’t know I needed.

Our wedding reception was my first taste of what life would be like as the wife of an event planner and DJ. After all, who names their wedding reception “Uproar” and has T-Shirts made with a logo?

Here are some examples of the types of adventures Mark pulled me into in our early days.
– A spontaneous road trip from MN to Texas to see a concert.
– Flying a group of drummers from across the U.S. to Minneapolis to do an all night drum and dance event on leap day.
– Hosting dozens of youth retreats, picnics, concerts, and events.
– Bringing a techno/dance group from Sweden to the U.S. for a New Years Eve youth lock-in at Discovery Middle School in Alexandria.
– Traveling with family to the Czech Republic to serve at Freak Fest and serve local churches there.
– Setting up a pop-up art gallery, complete with Skychairs in a St Paul skyway.


– Creating a studio during Covid in a basement on Grand Avenue where he recorded a podcast and hosted musicians for micro-concerts.

Being married to a visionary has its challenges. There are many things we disagree on, but we have plenty in common too and I do love how our relationship is a great picture of how opposites attract.

My husband is a great companion who stretches me to move outside my comfort zone. I know he would say the same of me. I keep him grounded and teach him about empathy. I teach him the importance of daily tasks and bring a sense of calm to his crazy.
We have both changed a lot since we got married, but at our core, we still love people over things, and want what we do for work to be what we love. We are also both artists who believe we should never stop creating and dreaming.

Have you grown stronger through being around someone who is your opposite? Have you seen the power of walking beside someone who challenges you to see things differently? It doesn’t necessarily need to be in marriage. Learning to walk in love beside people with unique personalities that are different than your own is one of the hardest, and potentially most rewarding parts of being alive.





Posted by Tagged with family, parenting Posted in Uncategorized

How My Kids Changed Me

“Learn to love the kid you have, not the kid you thought you would have.”

When I was pregnant with my first child, I had my idea of how it would go. I imagined the birth and the early years. I always pictured my life with kids. It was a dream of mine. I thought being a mom would be the easiest thing in the world.

My kids would be sweet and quiet and thoughtful. They would enjoy reading, music, and participating in church activities. As teenagers, they would teach preschool Sunday school and go on mission trips to third world countries. They would love going to the library and ask me daily to read aloud to them. My kids would never raise their voices or speak unkindly. They would eat everything on their plates and always say thank you. They would never struggle with depression or anxiety. They would share with me everything on their minds and would most definitely never tell a lie.

I now see how clueless I was about parenting.
Here’s how I see it now, 19 years in.


Being a parent is seemingly endless days of taking care of another tiny human like nothing else matters. These days and sleepless nights turn into months and years. The cute babies turn into toddlers with tantrums and fevers and strange illnesses you never knew existed. When the diaper stage ends, you throw a celebration and breathe a collective sigh.

Early elementary school means finally getting a break (unless you homeschool) and re-assessing your priorities. You get a little bit of your life back and start sleeping through the night. These are the gravy years. There is the occasional case of head lice or stomach flu or a trip to the ER in the middle of the night, but overall it’s a great time for posting every moment with your adorable child on Facebook and Instagram.

School can be exhausting for some kids and if your kid is bullied, you feel it too. Picky eaters are a real thing (God, why?!) I never imagined I would give birth to a picky eater. If your child is neuro-divergent, you can become overwhelmed when you realize your kid isn’t like their peers. If your kid is __________ (fill in your own blank), you realize that the real marathon of being a supportive cheerleader for your child is just beginning.

Middle school and highschool bring questions like “What about cell phones and social media?” “What about dating and sex?” “What about friends and parties, curfews, jobs, driving?” You feel like you are always worried and wondering if you are doing things right.

As the years go by, you begin to get a glimpse of who your child is becoming. Their strengths and talents emerge. You have some proud moments where you see all the years of investment begin to bear fruit. There are also days when you say “What the hell?!” You find yourself swearing a lot more than usual. And also praying a lot more than usual.

Here is what I know. Not all are meant to have kids. I appreciate those who have chosen not to have kids or those who are unable to have kids just as much as those who do.

This post is mostly to say to those who are early in the kid game, be careful to keep an open mind and let your kids become who they are meant to be, not who you expect them to be. I now realize that if my kids would have become who I expected they would be, I would have never had the opportunity to grow and change into who I am becoming. My kids have helped make me stronger, wiser, and better. They have helped broaden my perspective and given me a greater empathy for people who are different than me. They have kept me curious, humble, and dependent on God and others.

Thanks kids! This momma is forever grateful for each of you being YOU!




Posted by Tagged with piano, Teaching Posted in Uncategorized

Piano Teacher for Life

I have been teaching piano lessons for pretty much my whole life. I went to a small private school, and as a high school student, I made a poster to distribute asking if anyone wanted piano lessons. I had a handful of families respond. I think I charged $5 a lesson. Here is an old photo at my very first student recital. As you can see, classroom management has never been my gift. Luckily, weekly lessons are one on one, and that is where I do my better work.

My desire to teach comes mostly from having great teachers who were incredible role models. Here were my childhood teachers, Lucille Suelflow and Helen Wambeke, my musical cheerleaders.

This photo was taken at my Senior Recital.

Following highschool, I went to college at University of MN Morris where I majored in Elementary Education and minored in music. During college, I taught students in the campus practice rooms and then after college, I had a teaching space in the side room off of the town laundromat. Super weird, but at the time, I thought it was great. I had snack vending machines for breaks and could do laundry between lessons. Some of my favorite students were the adults wish special needs.

Most of the students in this pictures are now adults with their own kids.

We moved to Minneapolis in 2006 and I answered an add in the Star Tribune for a piano teacher at a studio called All 12 Notes. I started in a little teeny tiny practice room with 2 students and expanded to about 25 students over the next few years. I loved working in a shared space with other teachers. Unfortunately, that studio closed. I wanted to keep my students, so I started traveling to their houses each week for lessons. It was stressful at first keeping to a schedule, timing things right to get from Minneapolis to St Paul, especially during snow on bad weather days. In 2012 we moved to St Paul and then the driving became much smoother.

I have the rare opportunity of spending 30 minutes a week one on one with the same student for sometimes 5-10 years of their life. Going to their homes, I meet their parents, grandparents, neighbors, siblings, and pets. I get a glimpse into their lives and routines. I often observe families going through life transitions as well as just the daily grind of homework, meal prep, sports, and extra curricular activities. I get to see the slow and steady growth in both the student’s musical ability as well as their personal growth in other areas.

I love the challenge of teaching to the individual needs of each student. It’s exciting to figure out what makes a student light up and what types of sounds they are drawn to. I have to discover how they learn best and what motivates them. One young student this week told me “I’ve always dreamed of playing Bach” and another student only wants to play songs from Star Wars. I’ve been teaching piano for over 20 years and I’m still learning new things.
I love that I get to be a caring, interested adult in the life of my students.

Today I overheard my two youngest kids as we were driving in the car. They were talking to each other about their favorite teachers. My youngest said, “I really liked my 1st grade teacher best because I knew she cared about me.” That made me smile. That resonated with my teacher heart. Letting kids know that an adult in their life other than their parent truly cares for them and is cheering them on – that is priceless.

Posted by Tagged with church, evolving faith, Faith Posted in Uncategorized

To church or not to church?

It’s Sunday. Growing up that meant going to church. We always went to church. The only reason we didn’t go is if we were sick or out of town. Even in a snowstorm, church was rarely cancelled. Those who were able found a way to get there. It was a family affair. Everyone went. No questions asked.

This fierce loyalty to a Sunday gathering of believers stuck with me through college and into adulthood. I simply COULD NOT skip church. Anytime I did, I heard a voice in my ear saying “don’t forsake the gathering of believers as some are in the habit of doing.” This was a Bible verse frequently quoted as a reason not to skip church.

I never asked myself if I liked going to church. It was just something I did. As I moved from place to place in my young adult life, I found myself finding a similar church in whatever new place I went. These churches all had in common an emphasis on loyalty and being “under authority”. Everyone loved you until you left. If you moved to another similar church, “fine”, but if you moved to a more “progressive or liberal church” or became Catholic or ELCA Lutheran (God forbid!) that was not OK. I could anticipate the shaking of the head and deep sigh from the church leaders as they watched people leave for other churches.

In my 30’s, I began to question my faith traditions for the first time. I became tired and disillusioned with church as I had always known it. A lot of it no longer seemed relevant. My husband and I decided to stop going to church on Sundays for awhile. It was such a strange feeling. We would go to parks and see families playing together and enjoying the weather and time in nature on a Sunday morning. They seemed so relaxed and happy. They weren’t thinking about who was in church and who wasn’t. After being in active ministry and highly involved in the ins and outs of a Sunday service for my entire life, this shift was just plain weird.

I started seeing the world through a non-church lens. I started meeting people on Sunday mornings that I never had time to meet when I was in church. I started Resting on Sundays. Those who have been in a ministry position know that Sundays are never restful. I started seeing the church as more than just a building where people gathered on Sundays at 10am. This break from church was an important time for me. A needed a change of pace to shake some unhelpful religious ideas off of me.

After awhile, I started to miss church services. I missed the singing, being able to ask someone for prayer, the pot luck dinners, the feeling of being a part of a community that cares for each other. I even missed the quirky and weird parts of church. Every church I’ve ever been to is just weird. Even the ones that are trying to not be. I went back again with new eyes. I saw all the flaws and I saw the trappings of trying to organize something that Jesus intended to be free flowing and organic. I saw the downsides to hierarchy and the pride in thinking we have it figured out or know the “right way”. I accepted the fact that church will never be what I want it to be. I accepted the fact that God is much bigger than one church or one type of church but still chooses to use the people in them.

How each believer chooses to “be the church” will look differently. I no longer judge someone who chooses to not “go to church” on Sunday. My husband doesn’t go to church and neither do my teenagers most of the time. I’m sad about that sometimes, but I never want them to feel that church attendance is required to gain my love and acceptance. I want my husband and kids’ faith to be their own. I now realize that there are lots of different ways that people choose to worship and I am not meant to be the judge of which way is best.

Today I woke up and didn’t feel like going to church. That old feeling of guilt came back as strong as ever and I lay in bed for a half hour wrestling with myself. Then, I decided to stay home. It was good and it was what was needed for today.

How about you? Do you have a complicated history with church? Do Sundays look the same for you now as they did as a child or young adult? I’d love to hear about it.



Posted by Tagged with autism, parenting, special needs kids Posted in Uncategorized

My kid isn’t like the others


When I see parents posting first day of school pictures of their kids with smiling faces heading off to school, I can’t help but think of the kids like mine, who found the school environment incredibly challenging.

My oldest has overcome a multitude of obstacles and is facing college head on this year, but it has not been easy. School has always been exhausting for Ellie, as someone on the autism spectrum. Bright fluorescent lights, noise, timed tests, confusing social interactions with peers, and the never ending feeling of being over stimulated. As parents, we wish our kids felt more at home in the world – and in the schools that are designed to fit some kids, but not all kids.

For those with ADHD, autism, sensory processing issues, anxiety, and other challenges, school can be extremely difficult. I remember looking around at parents of the “normal” kids in those smiling back to school pictures and thinking “they have no idea how easy they have it”. Nobody told us in the childbirth and early childhood classes how hard this would be. The formulas in the parenting books just don’t work for us. We’ve tried, believe me.

If you are a parent of an atypical child, I’m thinking of you as I see the back to school pics being posted. You want your kid to fit in, or at the very least, have someone to sit with at lunch. You want to shield them from embarrassment and pain. You want them to not just survive, but thrive. You want them to be themselves and be embraced for who they are.

Many teens like mine have found ways to cope in this world through therapy, medicine, and finding community with others who are like them.

If you are a young parent, worried about your child being different and not knowing where to turn, I know that feeling. I’ve been there. I remember having another parent tell me that their 1st grader could not be friends with my first grader because my child “couldn’t control themselves”. That hurt. I have also been in social situations where my child was having a meltdown and a roomful of people were staring at me as I helplessly stood there, not knowing what to do.

Parenting these amazing, unique kids is challenging, confusing, and overwhelming at times. I know you are doing your best and you are your child’s biggest cheerleader. I applaud you and encourage you to take a break and look after yourself. It’s gonna be ok. School is hard for kids like ours. Sometimes we get tired and pull them out, because it’s easier than seeing them suffer in an environment where their needs are not understood. Other times, we keep them in school and advocate for them, finding accommodations that help them to do their best. No kid is alike and there is no ready made solution. It is just plain hard, and I see that now more than ever.

My hope in writing this is for at least one parent of an atypical child to know they are not alone. If you have a friend who you know is struggling to understand their child and the challenges of school, reach out to them and listen. An understanding friend can make a world of difference for a parent who feels alone.

This photo of Ellie brings me joy. It communicates the life and joy that Atypical kids bring into the world. They are intense, sensitive, persistent, and we love them for it.

Posted by Tagged with Artists, burn out, creativity, rest, writers block Posted in Uncategorized

Creative Drought

When I find myself not writing or reading, I know something is lacking. Like the earth needs water, one of my refreshing wells is words. Words bring meaning to emotions and experiences. However, when words are not enough, simply BEING in a place of beauty and taking it in feels like gulping cold, clean water on a hot day.

These dry times are bound to come. How can I bloom in the desert?

As I wait for some grand inspiration, some mountain top moment, some new work to present itself, I’m reminded that BEING in the PRESENT moment is what life is all about. Life is about seeing every landscape as beautiful and meaningful. The deserts, the mountains, the oceans, the forests, and the plains. Flowers do still bloom in the desert.

Here are some things I am doing to keep my creativity alive and blooming.

Choosing to do the small things.
Take photos of things that draw me in
Watering some flowers and plants and watching them grow Learning something new – ukelele for me Resting in a hammock near water.
Taking my kids to a sculpture park and bead store.

Speak kindly to yourself Avoid “should haves” and telling myself I am “lazy”. Remind myself of how far I’ve come.

Dream on Paper What would I do if there was nothing stopping me? Where would I like to be in 10 years? Write it down.

Do something that scares you For me this means not being afraid to approach new people and speak up in public. It means going down the water slide when I’d rather take a nap on my towel. It means trusting my instincts and pushing ahead instead of doubting myself. It means having hard conversations instead of smiling and saying “I’m fine” when it’s not fine.

Share one of your ideas with someone else Don’t keep all your dreams inside. Speak at least one dream out loud. If the sharing of your idea isn’t received, try again with someone else. Don’t give up so quickly. One “no” is not a closed door forever. Maybe try a window or look for another way through. Don’t give up.


One of my dreams is to find a way to make income without being in one place, so I can spend a year traveling with my family. Another dream is to write a book.

What are you dreaming of? How are you watering your creativity?


Posted by Tagged with family, relationships Posted in Uncategorized

Cheers to the Helpers

It’s no surprise that I see myself as a helper. My desire to help comes largely from observing my parents who are both helpers.

My Dad was always picking up around the house when I was young. There were 7 kids, so no shortage of messes to pick up. We didn’t have a dish washer, so dishes were all done by hand. Dad would wash and us kids would take turns rinsing and drying. It was always a race to keep up with Dad’s washing. He was FAST! My dad was a teacher and principal, but before school he delivered newspapers to multiple routes. I think the paper routes started as my little brothers’ routes, but the boys grew tired of them and my dad took them over. I’m not quite sure how that worked, but the paper routes continued even after all the kids were grown. Dad also gave people rides to doctor appointments in Sioux Falls, SD and drove people to the Twin Cities occasionally when they didn’t have a car. He was quick to volunteer at church if someone had a need. He was known for leading backyard Bible clubs at the park and writing plays with his students for their dinner theater each year.
My mom always had a way with the elderly. I remember her visiting the nursing home most weekends when I was a child and then later in life it became her job as she did home health care. To this day, she can be found helping elderly ladies in her hometown of Marshall, MN with daily hygiene, grocery shopping, appointments, and companionship. She also cared for her mother, who moved in with my parents during her final years. When I had surgery a couple weeks ago, my mom came a filled our freezer with meals.

The helpers in my life don’t stop there. I also married into a family of helpers. Mark’s parents have been caregivers for several older family members and friends over the years. They took people into their home to live with them, treating them with great care. Their whole world is their kids and grandkids and anytime any of us need a ride or a favor, they are quick to jump in the car and meet the need, even if it means driving an hour or more. Mark’s mom
is always bringing us care packages of soups, puzzles, photo albums, and the latest and greatest cleaning supplies.
Being surrounded by so many helpers makes it feel natural for me to want to help. This has its ups and downsides. The benefits of helping are obvious and quickly applauded; the downsides are harder to see at first.

Here are a few challenges/downsides that helpers wrestle with.


#1. A tendency to want to avoid conflict.
We seek to meet every need before anyone feels uncomfortable. We want a peaceful environment where everyone gets along. Rocking the boat is to be avoided at all costs.

#2. A “need to be needed” is often common in helpers. When our helping is not acknowledged or reciprocated, we can become bitter and resentful. “Look at all I’ve done for you and you don’t even seem to care” is a common thought. Sometimes what we don’t realize is the person we have done so much for may have not even been asking for help in the first place. Helpers need to be aware of their own motivation. Are we giving in order to get something in return? Are we keeping score in our heads of who is returning our favors and who is not?

#3. Helpers have a tendency toward burn-out. We need to love ourselves as much as we love others. We need to take days and weeks off from helping. We must set boundaries for ourselves and get comfortable saying “no” or “that doesn’t work for me today”

As I have been recovering from surgery, it has become crystal clear how much helping I really do on a daily basis. This forced rest is helping me appreciate the helpers who have brought me meals, visited, and helped give the kids rides and done housework. Cheers to the helpers. You are important and loved.