My husband reminded me recently that parenting can be thought of in 3 stages. I’m sure he heard it from someone else, and I’d love to quote the source if you know it.
Ages 0-12 – The Parent is the coach During these years, we show our kids what to do and why. This is a season of intense training. We teach our kids so much of what they will carry with them for the rest of their lives.
Ages 13-17 – The Parent is the cheerleader We step back and encourage our kids to live out what they know.
Ages 18+ – The Parent is the consultant During this phase, we can give advice, but only when asked or invited.
My oldest is 20 and my second is 18. Mark and I are stepping back and trusting that they have what it takes to make their own decisions. My youngest kids are 8 and 11 and still very much needing our coaching. I will be the first to admit that I get things wrong all the time with my oldest and my youngest. Thats why I need reminders like this.
Recognize the season you are in, ask for help, and give yourself grace
Growing up in an Evangelical Christian sub-culture, I digested a steady diet of the following expectations for women and mothers:
EXPECTATIONS
Keep your household running smoothly.
Raise respectful and kind children who share your values.
Actively serve others and volunteer in your church, school, and community. Attend church, Sunday School, youth group, and Bible study.
Throw birthday parties and baby showers and whatever other event is needed in your relational sphere.
Send cards.
Visit the elderly.
Show hospitality by inviting others into your home often.
Encourage your kids to go to vacation Bible school, retreats, camps, youth group, and short term mission trips.
Make healthy home cooked meals everyday, sit around the table and eat as a family.
Have a family devotion time where you pray and read the Bible
Limit screen time. Don’t watch any movies above PG. Listen to Christian radio and music only
Send your kids to Christian school or homeschool.
Make sure your teenager gets their drivers license, makes good choices, and gets into a good college. Bonus points if they don’t drink, smoke, or have sex before marriage.
Work on building a godly marriage. (marriage between a man and a woman). If there are conflicts, make them right. Go on weekly dates, attend marriage retreats, don’t let the sun go down on your anger, and divorce is not an option except in very extreme circumstances
Keep your finances in order, stay out of debt, save, and make wise choices when it comes to money.
So the question becomes:
“What if my family isn’t looking much like that above list?
Take a look at your expectations for yourself and ask where those expectations came from. Maybe you have your own unique upbringing where expectations were communicated. Are they what you want, or what others expect from you?
Can you pinpoint who you are aside from the opinions of others? You can live a life uniquely YOUR OWN. There is freedom in that! Who is telling you how to parent and how to handle your relationships? Where are the ”shoulds“ coming from?
Much of life is out of your control. You cannot control your loved ones and they cannot control you. The life you envisioned for yourself may not be the life you are living.
You are finding your way and embracing real life in all its beautiful mess. Embrace the process of figuring yourself out. Its real work and it takes time.
Are you part of a bilingual family? Do you know someone who is raising their children bilingual?
I chatted with Sunny Horstmann about what it was like to come from Taiwan to America at age 8, her love of language and culture, and her passion to pass these on to her children. Sunny and her husband currently reside in Kansas City, but in the early years of marriage lived in Taiwan for 3 years. After their first child was born, they moved across the world from Taiwan to rural Minnesota.
Moving to a small town where they were the only Mandarin speakers was challenging at first. One day at the farmers market, Sunny met a family who asked her to teach their daughter Chinese. This 1st grader began going over to Sunny’s house 4 afternoons a week for language lessons. About this time, Sunny also started a blog and began writing about her experiences in bilingual parenting. She also used the blog to share educational resources with other parents.
I love the fact that Sunny didn’t give up her dream of speaking only Mandarin to her young daughter in a community where she was the only one speaking the language. She could have easily said, ”This too hard. We are just going to speak English like everyone else.” Instead, she continued to live out her convictions. She started her blog as a creative outlet, and a way to connect with other families like hers around the world. Little did she know how much interest there would be and the impact she would make.
The blog has expanded and Sunny now has an instagram and facebook page as well She has also offered an online course along with personal coaching.
When I asked Sunny how she would describe herself, she said ”I’m a cheerleader for bilingual parents!” It’s so true. In one short conversation, I saw this unique gift on full display. Sunny is an example of a midlife creative who saw a need in her own life and wondered ”Are there others like me that need encouraging? How can I help?” Then she dived in and began to fill that need.
Here are a few examples of resources Sunny shares on her Instagram: printables, activities for holidays, language learning tips, lists of childrens books in Chinese, and articles for parents. It is a gold mine of content for anyone interested in learning about the joys and challenges of being a bilingual family.
Dustin and Sunny are a really wonderful couple with a huge heart for other people, but they will be the first to tell you life isn’t easy. They have walked through some challenges including miscarriage and infertility. When they found out they were pregnant with a 2nd child, they saw it as a miracle.
Coming out of a difficult season, Sunny felt God asking her the question, ”What do you want?” Can you dream again and share with me instead of saying its too hard?” Sunny admitted to God and to her husband that her dream was to go back to Taiwan and deliver her baby there. It looked like an impossibility, but as some of you know, God really loves surprising his kids when they begin dreaming. All the puzzle pieces fell into place and Sunny and Dustin and their daughter traveled to Taiwan and stayed 3 1/2 months.
Another miracle was that the same midwife that delivered their first child years earlier contacted them and offered to deliver their second baby in her home.
Did you know that after women have a baby in Taiwan they stay in a Postpartum Care Center for up to a month? You read that right! No going home to tough it out a day after giving birth. Sunny was given wonderful care, nutritious meals, and lots of TLC for both herself and the baby. She stayed for about 3 weeks. I asked if all women get this kind of special attention after giving birth. She said that it is the norm, and those who don’t go to the center get a postpartum doula who comes into the home to cook and perform the household duties during the first month. Pretty amazing, I’d say!
If you are interested in living or traveling in Taiwan, bilingual parenting, or tips on learning a language, you can catch up on Sunny’s wealth of writing and resources at https://spotofsunshine.com/ or on Instagram and Facebook @spotofsunshinechinese.
Thanks Sunny for sharing your experiences and knowledge! You are a gift to your family and to the world! Keep being that cheerleader and don’t forget to surround yourself with others who will cheer for you too!
My husband, Mark, was invited to do a video shoot in Scottsdale, Arizona area for a wellness company called Inspire Life. I came along for the sunshine and good company. We stayed at a Casita found on airbnb. It was on a gravel road lined with horse ranches. The first thing I noticed upon arriving in this state was the cactus. So many cacti!
There were also Lots of Hiking Trails. They were everywhere. We are not in the greatest shape, but we took in some of the trails marked “easy” and they did not disappoint. We quickly learned the importance of water and sunscreen.
We enjoyed wonderful food over the 4 days. My favorite meal was at a place called The Farm at South Mountain in Phoenix. They serve a farm to table breakfast that was absolutely amazing.
The last day of our trip came to a crashing end as I took a bad tumble off a BIRD scooter. It was at the end of a 30 minute ride and after countless compliments from Mark on how well I was doing, I accelerated, lost focus, and went flying off the scooter and onto the pavement. I felt my head hit first and knew it was bad when I saw blood flowing onto my hands and legs. I started screaming and quickly drew a crowd. The onlookers who were trained in first aid jumped into action and another bystander called 911. I heard her telling the first responders “she must be in her 20’s” and I responded ”I’m 42!” At that point, Mark said he knew “I was going to be ok.”
I was so sore and weak from the fall, that I requested a wheel chair at the airport. We got back home to MN at midnight, and I’ve never in my life been more thankful for my own bed.
When you finish drinking a gallon of milk or 1/2 gallon of juice, do look at the empty jug with curiosity asking ”how could I reuse that?” After interviewing artist, Heather M. Cole, I’ve started looking at items in the recycling bin as potential art pieces. Heather loves making art from repurposed materials. As a young child, and to this day, constructing is how she views play. Heather is inspired by everyday items like bottle caps, coffee cans, packaging materials, or plastic containers.
Here is a picture of a gallon jug, cut into pieces with a scissors in preparation for a project. “It’s more difficult than it looks,” Cole says.
These pieces are used in standing lamps and hanging light fixtures. When asked how many jugs she has cut, she says ”I’ve lost track. It takes maybe 10-12 jugs for a small lamp and the largest ones require close to 100.”
Take a look at some of these finished creations.
Every lamp I’ve seen is one of a kind and beautiful.
Heather and I talked about what brings us joy. We discovered that we are both introverts, night people, nature lovers, and walkers. I laughed when she said, ”The cutting up of plastic strips is like knitting. Some people knit in the evening, I cut up milk jugs.” It takes a couple of hours each evening for approximately 2 weeks to finish a lamp.
Cole enjoys participating art events like the St Paul Art Crawl and Northrup King Showcases. She is a member of the NEMAA and the St Paul Art Collective. When talking with those attending the art events, she is often surprised at how narrow peoples’ view of what ”art” is. Many think of art as only drawing or painting. When she asks those walking by if they are artistic, they often say ”No” and then later admit they are a musician or have some other creative hobby.
One of Heather’s latest projects are these 10×10 wood panels with hearts made from a variety of food containers. They are lit up with battery operated fairy lights.
The lamps are what Cole is known for, but she sees herself branching into other art forms. She would like to work on larger art installations. like the three put together between 2017-2019 through the Hennepin Theater Trust. These were called ”Made Here” Projects and were displayed in St Paul store front windows. They are social commentaries designed to spur on conversation and make people stop and think.
Future– Peak Stuff – 2017
Detours – My Daily Commute – 2019
Energy – Bursts – 2018
You can see Heather’s work in person at the Tres Leches Art Gallery in the Northrup King building in the NE art district of Minneapolis. A fun piece in the current show is a “Kissing Booth” constructed from plastic packaging.
Thanks Heather Cole, for sharing your art with the world. It is unique, thought provoking, calming, and beautiful. I can’t wait to see what you come up with next!
Do you realize how many things can be dipped in chocolate? Lots and lots of things! With Valentine’s Day coming up, I thought it would be fun to write about a favorite chocolate recipe of mine – Oreo Truffles.
This recipe is one that I have been making for years. Brooke Malek, my mom friend and doula for Ellie’s birth (going on 20 years ago) shared the recipe. They are quite simple, with only 3 ingredients.
You will need: 1 block of cream cheese
1 package of Oreo cookies
1 package of chocolate almond bark
Put the entire package of Oreos into a ziplock bag and smash them with a rolling pin. (or use a food processor or blender)
Soften the cream cheese and mix it with the crushed Oreos. (I use an electric mixer)
Spoon the cream cheese mixture onto a cookie sheet lined with parchment paper (like you are making chocolate chip cookies)
Set the cookie sheet in the freezer for 30 minutes to chill
Melt the almond bark in a skillet on the stove and add a tbsp or two of coconut oil to make dipping easier.
Take the cream cheese balls out of the freezer and dip them into the melted chocolate.
Chill and serve
Once you finish dipping your Oreo Truffles you will likely have a lot of chocolate left. Here’s another cookie you can make using only 3 ingredients: chocolate peanut butter sandwich cookies
Ritz crackers, peanut butter, and almond bark
Spread peanut butter between two Ritz crackers and dip into chocolate. It’s that simple!
If you still have chocolate left, start looking through your cupboards for other things to dip. I found these Trader Joes crackers, dipped them in chocolate and brought them to a friend and she was asking for the recipe. When I told her it was just crackers dipped in chocolate, she was surprised and asked, ”but what about the coconut flavor?” “Oh, right, that’s the spoonful of coconut oil melted into the chocolate”
Another thing I ended up finding in my cupboard and dipping in chocolate were these waffle icecream bowls. They turned out looking so fun!
Long story short, a block of chocolate almond bark and a spoonful of coconut oil can go a long way for dipping whatever crackers, pretzels, or fruit you may have on hand. I’d love to hear about other foods you have had success with dipping in chocolate.
In 2022, I’m going on a hunt for midlife creatives from here, there, and everywhere. I want to pick their brain about their area of expertise, how they got started, and what inspires them.
The first artist I got the chance to talk to was Johanna Franey from Morris, MN. Johanna owns and operates her own baking business called Creative Confections. Her Instagram page @creativeconfectionsmorris is overflowing with photos of unique cakes, cupcakes, and macarons she has made. I wanted to find out how this interest in baking cakes got started and how she finds time to make such masterpieces while juggling all of her other mom responsibilities. Johanna is married to John, a homeschool mom of four kids ages 5, 7, 9, and 11, and also a piano teacher of 25 students a week. As a mom and piano teacher myself, we had a lot of things in common to talk about. My husband and I also went to college in Morris, MN and lived there for 5 years after getting married, so we have that small town connection as well. Here are a few bits and pieces of my conversation with Johanna.
Q. Have you always considered yourself an artist?
A. No, not at all. In fact sometimes I still doubt when people tell me I’m creative. When I was 14, I was on a trip in Washington, DC and my mom gave me a camera and asked me to take some photos. She looked at them and told me “these are pretty good”. From then on, I started taking an interest in photography. I also played the piano and was in plays, but would not have called myself an artist.
Q. When did you start making cakes?
A. There was a group of young adults that were getting together at church and we would have treats afterwards. One of the young college girls would always bring these gorgeous baked goods and I admired them and thought, “I’d better up my game”. My competitive nature is what got me baking. I started baking for fun in 2014 with 3 young kids under my feet. I dabbled in it for about 4 years and then got licensed with the state in 2018. I didn’t have any formal training, I just learned by doing. People would come to me with an idea for a cake and I would figure out how to make it. There was a lot of trial and error at first and a few big flops where I had to start over, but also a lot of successes that made me feel really proud of myself.
Q. What does a typical week look like for you?
A. I homeschool my kids in the morning and then afternoons are spent teaching piano lessons during the school year. I don’t teach piano during the summer, so that is my busier time for baking. I bake for the Morris farmers market and also fill special orders for birthday and wedding cakes. During the school year, I bake on weekends unless I’ve scheduled to take a weekend off.
Q. Do you ever get burnt out?
A. I did have a time when I took on too much and needed to take a month off to rest. After that, I started setting clearer boundaries for myself and saying no if a request didn’t fit with the needs of my family. One thing many people don’t realize is how physically strenuous baking can be. There are some weekends when I can be on my feet for 18 hours. I have learned the importance of stretching, getting massages, and having down time. One of the tensions in owning your own business is learning to set limits and stick with them. Saying no to customers for the good of my family has been a lesson I’ve been learning.
Q. Do you ever doubt yourself?
A. I like to remind myself that when someone is ordering a cake from me, they aren’t just doing it because they want to be nice. They actually like my cakes and many are repeat customers. Whenever I start comparing myself to other bakers who are further along than I am, I stop and remind myself of the progress I have made.
Q. What do you do for self care?
A. I do find the baking itself as self care. It’s a creative outlet and I have something beautiful at the end to show for my time. Learning how to say no to customers has been a valuable skill that I’ve been able to use in other areas of my life as well. I also like to switch things up when I’m tired of baking, and write poems or taking photos of nature.
You can see more of Johanna’s creations on Facebook and Instagram at Creative Confections. The photos shared here on this post are some of her favorites. When asked why, Johanna says:
“I’m proud of the cakes pictured here (other than the wedding cake) because I didn’t copy from a concept photo. I just had an idea in my head and was able to create them. I’m proud of the wedding cake because I had to re-do the middle (marbled) tier three times to get it right, and I was so frustrated and stressed, but pushed through and was finally able to make it work.”
Thanks Johanna, for sharing your art with me. One of the things that stood out to me most from our conversation was how much you have grown as a businesswoman in such a short time. I resonated with how you are learning to define clearer boundaries, understand your limits, and prioritize your marriage and family time so you don’t take on more than you can handle. I was also reminded of the importance of positive and encouraging voices in the lives of young artists. Your mom encouraged you to start taking photographs and even though that didn’t end up being a long term business, it was an important step in your creative journey. I love how you are holding all things loosely and realize that this baking business may not be forever, but it is a good fit for now. I know your cakes have brought a lot of delight to many celebrations. I look forward to seeing more of your work and watching you grow as a wife, mom, friend, and artist. It’s a joy to know you!
Here are my top 5 highs and 2 lows from 2021. It really was hard to narrow it down.
HIGHS
5. Camping at Pattison State Park. Those of you who know me well, know that I love being outdoors. We have slowly started to dip our toes into the world of camping – very slowly. We found this gem of a state park just over the border in Wisconsin thanks to our friends @volkmanadventures on Instagram. This park had two beautiful waterfalls, a swimming beach, and was just a short drive to Duluth.
Tabby invited a friend who was a great addition to the camping crew.
4. Outdoor Piano Recital. As a piano teacher, I missed gathering with my students during 2020 and was thrilled when one of my piano families agreed to host an outdoor spring recital in their huge front yard. Mark set up speakers and I used my Clavinova which is easy to transport. We had two recitals in the same day to accommodate my 30+ students and all their families. It was a sunny and joyous day!
3. Spark Studio. My husband, Mark, saw an empty basement in his friend Bryn’s office and decided it had potential. He made it into a studio space complete with custom artwork, lighting, and furniture from Facebook marketplace. He began hosting small concerts and gatherings to connect with new and old friends who are musicians. Through this experience Mark has realized his gift of “placemaking”
2. Back to School. After a long stretch of distance learning and online piano teaching, our kids all got to go back to school in person. Even though we are still in masks and not able to enter the buildings as parents or meet the teachers in person, it is still quite thrilling to be back after the year we had. Ellie got to go to college at Mount Holyoke on the East Coast in August which was both a high and low as I grieved and celebrated seeing my oldest enter adulthood. Ellie flew out on their own and and my sister in law helped with the move-in. We all went out to visit over Thanksgiving and were able to see the campus (or at least the outside of the buildings)
Here’s Ellie at Mount Holyoke showing off a theater festival they were a part of.
1. Punta Cana. My obvious top High for 2021 was our 20th anniversary trip to Punta Cana, Dominican Republic in January. It was the trip dreams are made of. Mark and I stayed at an all inclusive resort and spent a whole week lounging by the pool, on the beach, eating, drinking, and being together. It was AMAZING.
LOWS
Nobody likes to share lows but they are a very real part of life. This year 2 lows come to mind immediately.
1. I had a hysterectomy for uterine prolapse in May and spent a full 6 weeks recovering at home. I am happy to have it behind me.
2. This year was especially challenging for my 2 oldest young adult children as they dealt with physical and mental health challenges. It was hard for me to see them both struggling and not knowing how I could help.
Why Reflect? Thinking back on the year brings into focus what we care about. It helps us embrace a full range of emotions from joy to grief to frustration to hope. I hope you will take time to think about your highs and lows and share them with me or others in your life. Happy New Year!
I’ve been on the look out lately for people around me who are extremely creative, but don’t recognize or acknowledge their gifts. These people love art and are attracted to artists, but don’t fully realize their potential. They are meant to be a part of a creative tribe and find joy in calling themselves artists, but have been telling themselves a different story because of fear of failure or insecurity. They often excuse their gifts by saying “it’s just something I do for fun” or “I’m not as good as most” or “I could never ask for money for this” or “I would do more, but I just don’t have the time”
I’m thinking about the stay at home mom who makes her kids’ sandwiches into shapes and paints original murals on their bedroom walls. I’m thinking of the neighbor who spends his evenings and weekends on woodworking projects after coming home from his day job. Im remembering the engineer who is writing a novel and the neighbor who is learning everything there is to know about quilting and loving it. How about the retiree who plays clarinet in the city band or the woman who dreams of going on outdoor adventures and writing about it?
These everyday people may not ever be recognized as “artists” by the masses. We tend to put people into categories based on how they make their living. Those we call artists are those who get paid for it.
Another category of people that I am discovering are those who have had a creative practice earlier in life, but have quit. I have lost count of the number of parents of my piano students who have told me they used to enjoy playing the piano, but don’t play anymore. I’ve also heard people tell me they went to college for art or journalism, but have set their work aside since having kids or starting their career. I’ve heard stories of people who “used to travel and go on adventures” and others who “used to write, or paint, or sculpt”.
I’m on the look out for hiding or sleeping artists because I once was one. I was so consumed with taking care of others that I didn’t make time to discover what I liked and what I was good at. Since going through The Artist’s Way by Julia Cameron and being intentional about living a more creative life, I have started to come alive. I now consider myself a writer. I also have begun to see piano teaching not just as my vocation, but as a creative outlet. I have begun looking for new ways to connect with students using off the bench activities, games, and improvisation.
Part of waking up to this inner artist is being around other artists and seeking out people who will encourage your artistic pursuits. Another helpful practice is naming what you are proud of about yourself and things you want to work on and sharing these with others who will keep you accountable. We are born to live in community and relationship, and sometimes going it alone can cause us to quit or slowly drift away from creating.
Starting and stopping are normal and nothing to be ashamed of. Why not pick up that thing you’ve been thinking about for awhile? Why not join a creative group or start your own? Why not start calling yourself an artist? You just might already be one.
Everyone has a story to tell. I want to find the stories of the artists living in secret and challenge their coming out. The world needs to see and hear about their unique creations – but most importantly – they need to create. It may be the difference for them between having a Midlife Crisis or becoming a Midlife Creative.
