I cannot change the things about them that drive me crazy.
I cannot change how they dress, the choices they make, or what they eat.
I cannot change how they overwater the grass, how they wash the dishes, or the things they are picky about that I see as ridiculous.
I cannot change their anxious or controlling nature, their tendency to repeat themselves, how they drive, their persona on social media, their bedtime routine, their sleep habits, or hygiene routines.
I cannot change what News network they watch, who they vote for, or what they spend their money on.
If I know I cannot change them….any of them….then why do I try? Why do I seek to manipulate and control by making side comments, bargaining, and complaining? Why do I let other people frustrate me and derail my plans and affect my mood?
Why not just let go?
Open my hands and heart, and let people stay who they are….them. Maybe my way isn’t the best way? Maybe my way isn’t the only way? Maybe having two sides, or three, or four ways of thinking about things isn’t bad?
Maybe I could even change MY WAY of thinking about things?
In a little over one week we will be moving out of our house of 10 years. How can I sum up a decade of memories in a few short paragraphs?
Here’s a fuzzy photo from our move in day on September 1st, 10 years ago. Finding this house to rent was nothing short of miraculous We knew the moment we walked in the door that this was what we had been waiting for. It was after a summer of the kids and I living in Marshall with my parents while Mark worked to make enough money for us to move to St Paul. Fast forward 10 years and so much has changed.
We had a 4th child who is now 8. – Ivy!
We got to see our oldest two graduate from highschool at St Paul Conservatory for Performing Artists.
After several job changes, Mark re-branded his business as Mark Haugen DJs and is finding great success in officiating and DJing weddings and other events. I, Anna, have continued to teach piano lessons all these years. It is something I love and will probably never stop doing. We are fairly certain we will be coming back to the Twin Cities at the end of our trip, but it may not be to the same neighborhood, so we are saying goodbye as if we may not come back to West 7th.
Here are a few things I will miss
The Parks and Trails we have grown to know like the back of our hand West 7th Community Center, Adams, Palace, Edgecumbe, Mattocks, Wabun, Crosby Farms, Hidden Falls, and Victoria Park. I walk the neighborhood streets everyday and go on a longer nature walk at least 1-2 times a week.
School
We will miss the schools my kids have grown to love and the teachers that invest in them. We will miss the playdates, and parkdates, and birthday parties that come with staying in one place.
Neighbors, neighbors, neighbors!
We have gotten to know many neighbors through the years. I never knew a city could feel so much like a small town in how friendly everyone is. Art House (a renovated church that hosts concerts and plays and is the home to Humble Walk Church) is just down the street. Businesses like Tavial, Mojo monkey, Colossal Cafe, and Cadenza music are regular weekly stops.
We have hosted a few neighborhood bonfires which gave us a reputation as ”the bonfire people.” Halloween and National Night Out as well as the neighborhood square dance at Art House are anticipated gatherings.
Hard days
No, not everyday was smooth sailing. There was the year of the mice, the head lice, the traumatic dental visits for teeth extractions and root canals. There were seasons of anxiety and depression, online school and teaching during Covid, two surgeries, marriage challenges, questions over faith, politics, and wrestling with the changing times.
This was the burning of our couch which finally did get rid of our mice.
A lot can change in 10 years. My biggest change personally has been learning to love myself. I have always put my family and church family’s needs before my own. Because of this, I was living with a lot of bitterness. My need to please people began to come in the way of my ability to enjoy life. I was constantly worrying about whether I was DOING enough instead of asking myself who I wanted to BE. It has been a long and slow process of unlearning some beliefs that were hindering instead of helping me. I am now in a much more joyful place with boundaries set that help me ask myself some good “why” questions before saying yes to things. I know the world won’t fall apart if I step away for a few days or weeks. Speaking of stepping away, we are about to take a giant leap with this roadtrip around the U.S. We will be homeschooling and staying with a combination of family, friends, and airbnbs from November-May. Our travels will take us across the Southern coast from Georgia to Florida to Texas and then West to California. It is going to be a great season for our little family of 4, now that Elliot and Tabby are at colleges on the East Coast.
This quote from one of my favorite authors seems fitting for the start of our next season. It is scary to take a leap like this, but those who have done similar crazy things have all said things like “Its the best decision we have ever made” or ”you won’t regret it”
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Here are a few more of my favorite photos from our Juno Ave house in the form of a photo slideshow. Enjoy!
Let’s play a game, shall we? Look around at your friends on social media as well as the people you rub shoulders with in your daily life. Do you immediately think of individuals you would describe as extremely creative?
What exactly is a Midlife Creative? It’s a person in the middle of their life who is actively pursuing a creative path. They have hobbies they enjoy, they appreciate beautiful things, value nature, and take time to work on their craft – whether that be writing, cooking, art, music, dance, photography, you name it.
These people often help me explore a new angle on an issue or give me permission to go against societal norms. They are not content with a predictable life. They care deeply and are often frustrated when their intentions are misunderstood. These are artists (even though they may not like to use that label on themselves)
We live in a world where comparison keeps us stuck. There is always someone who seems to have a better handle on their creative life than we do or who seems more talented or successful. There’s always someone who has already published a book, has a larger following, or makes enough money to pursue their art as a full-time vocation. Because of this, we see our own art as ordinary, or unworthy of recognition.
Let’s go on a hunt for hiding Midlife Creatives that need a boost of praise. If you notice someone being creative, point it out. Let them know you notice. Tell them specifically what you admire about how they express themselves and what they bring to the world.
If you share on social media, use the hashtag #midlifecreative. Follow the hashtag to read about other midlife creatives like you. Let’s support one another as artists!
Here are a few examples of people in my life who I see as #midlifecreative.
Briana Lavine Leigh @_oh_fer_sure
When I met Briana, I instantly knew we would be friends. Once I asked this question to a room full if people, ”When I say the word creative, does anyone come to mind?” Everyone in the room practically shouted “Briana!”
This girl oozes creativity. You never know what she will come up with next. Whether its a unique social studies lesson, a new recipe, a song, a dance, a water aerobics cheer….this girl does a million things, but a creative thread runs through it all. She doesn’t try to be creative, she just IS.
@volkmanadventures
The Volkmans are adventure bloggers that I enjoy following and have met in real life too. They live to be outside in nature and explore new places in Minnesota. I love how passionate they are about their adventures and sharing them with others. It makes me want to get off the couch and go exploring.
Craig Evans @frailin1 Deanne Lily Parks @artdeanne
These two are one of my favorite #midlifecreative couples. They live in my neighborhood and can be seen playing banjo on their front porch on summer evenings. Deanne is an amazing painter, sculptor, and writer. Craig is a musician, film maker, and life-long learner. He has lots going on (more than I even know) but is extremely humble about it all. These two are great listeners and supporters of other artists. If it wasn’t for Deanne, I may not have read The Artist’s Way by Julia Cameron which set me on the path I am today.
Now that you’ve read a few examples of Midlife Creatives in my life, tell me about yours. Who inspires you to live a more creative life? I hope you’ll join me in sharing on your own instagram and using the hashtag #midlifecreative
We are moving out of our home of 10 years on Juno Avenue in St Paul at the end of August.
Tabby and Ellie will both be moving out to attend colleges on the East Coast, and we will just have Malia and Ivy, ages 11 and 8, with us.
It’s a new season in our family as our older two kids have both entered adulthood.
Every year, we take time to consider the next year and what it holds. Both Mark and I have been feeling like we are on the brink of change. We’ve decided not to re-sign our lease, but before moving on to a new home, we are planning a 6 month U.S. road trip.
We see this family travel as a pilgrimage, a time of learning, and a chance to see God in new faces and places.
The idea for the trip came back in the summer of 2021 while Mark and I were on a drive to Chicago for a wedding. We started noticing license plates from different states and writing them down. We were just dreaming together as we drove down the road and Mark said, “What if we took a trip and made a show called “Where Will We Move?”
I usually reject these kind of big ideas immediately, but for some reason this time, I felt a resounding, “Yes, Let’s Do It!” Maybe not a show, but the road trip.
We told our friends Ross and Jenn about it, and they said they knew a family who had done something similar a few years back. We set up a meeting with the Schenk family of five and they shared with us stories from their road trip which lasted 9 months and spanned most of the United States.
That meeting gave me faith that this kind of thing was possible. I had only heard of people traveling longer term with an RV, but this family had stayed in the homes of their friends like we envisioned doing.
The next step was to tell our kids, our families, and my piano students. Even though we are only planning to be gone for about 6 months, it will be during the winter months and we will miss the big holidays of Thanksgiving and Christmas back in MN.
Mark’s main DJ season ends November 1st and that is when we plan to begin our trip. He will have occasional weddings and events during the trip and will also be booking future business in MN while we are gone. I will be taking a break from teaching piano and focusing on homeschooling Malia and Ivy and doing some writing.
Where will we go? Where will we stay?
We are in the beginning stages of setting up an itinerary and finding people to host us. We envision our trip starting in November, lasting 6 months, and covering most of the Southern states.
Places we know we will be visiting are Illinois, Indiana, Tennessee, Georgia, North and South Carolina, Florida, Alabama, Texas, Arizona, Colorado, Idaho, California, and Utah.
Let us know if you would be interested in hosting us, or know of people we should meet.
I want to include Malia and Ivy as a way of keeping in touch with people we care about. We will document the places we visit, the things we see, and stories we hear in a newsletter called “The Story Hunt”
If you would like to support our travels in a practical way, you can join our patreon community. For $6 a month, we will send you a postcard from the road and our ”Story Hunt” newsletter over email each month starting in November. Enter your email address below to get details on how to follow our upcoming adventures.
Also, let us know if you would like to host us as we come through your state or if you have people you think we should meet or places we must see.
Thanks in advance for your support of this big adventure!
Magical can be defined as : “beautiful or delightful in such a way as to seem removed from everyday life”
That was how my week in New York City felt. I was a tourist taking it all in for the first time while trying my best not to give myself away as a tourist. Judging by the fact that I was yelled at to ”move a little faster!” my first time in the subway station, I wasn’t fooling anyone. ”You’re not from here, are you?” a business man asked me as the crowd crossed the street on a red light while I patiently waited for the ’walk’ sign.” “No, I most definitely am not, but SHE is,” I said pointing to my daughter who seemed to match the pace of the crowd effortlessly.
My senior, Tabby, and I spent 7 days in a friends’ furnished apartment visiting colleges including The New School, Pace University, NY Institute of Technology, and Marymount Manhattan. Thank you, Bill, for being such a generous and gracious host.
The reason for the trip was to tour colleges, but we were able to do a lot of sightseeing as well. We woke up each day and walked outside in anticipation, not knowing where the day would take us. If we got tired, we came back to the apartment and took a nap. If we got hungry, we went out and found something to eat. As a mom of four who rarely takes this type of vacation for seven whole days, I felt a freedom I haven’t felt in a long time. It was also my first time spending an extended time with my child who is no longer a child but an adult.
As I reflect on the week, here are some of the things I appreciated about this magical city.
The Subway – Most New Yorkers don’t own cars. They take the subway and buses. For $34, we purchased an unlimited weekly pass. We used google maps on our phones to navigate. The sound of the subway grew on me.
Walking – I loved the amount of walking we had to do. Most days we walked between 8-10 miles. I was having a lot of back pain going into the trip and it got better with each day. I attribute some of this to all the walking I did.
Food – There is such a variety of food for every budget. Everything from homemade pasta to pizza to gyros to seafood to crepes. Deciding what to eat each day was one of my favorite parts of exploring the city.
Diversity – Over 800 languages are spoken in NYC. I especially noticed this as we were walking across the Brooklyn Bridge and truly feeling the whole world on that bridge. Anytime I am surrounded by more than just English speakers, I feel a rush of happiness.
Art and Culture – New York is home to so many incredible museums, opera, symphony, dance, and of course – Broadway. We didn’t see any shows, but we did visit two museums – The MOMA and Cloisters. We also enjoyed some live blues in a bar while eating chicken wings.
E.B. White in Here is New York describes the city like this:
There are roughly three New Yorks.
There is, first, the New York of the man or woman who was born here, who takes the city for granted and accepts its size and its turbulence as natural and inevitable. Second, there is the New York of the commuter — the city that is devoured by locusts each day and spat out each night. Third, there is the New York of the person who was born somewhere else and came to New York in quest of something. …Commuters give the city its tidal restlessness; natives give it solidity and continuity; but the settlers give it passion. ”
After the initial panic of being in a strange city with more noise and a faster pace than I’m used to, I started to settle in and see these different groups of people. The people who call NYC home.
I observed the school children walking home carrying backpacks and chatting with their friends. I saw young parents loaded up with water bottles and snacks, talking to other parents as their preschoolers played in Central Park. I watched a group doing a workout in an apartment parking lot and a little league baseball game that didn’t look that different than games I have attended elsewhere. I watched the business people grabbing their coffee in the mornings, the janitors cleaning the floors in the apartment we were staying, and the chess players in Washington square. NYC is not just a tourist destination or a place where people come to make money. People come and go and those who stay do so for a reason.
Tabby is considering moving to New York. She is still undecided. It’s a city of opportunity, diversity, art, and beauty. It is also expensive and she is weighing whether it is worth the financial cost. Whatever she decides longterm, I will be grateful for the time we spent together on this very lovely spring break trip and look forward to the next time I get to go again.
Did you grow up on Totinos or Jacks frozen pizza and then one day discover how good pizza can be with a homemade crust and fresh ingredients? I met Jen Levin a few years ago when her family moved to St Paul. When we met, I could tell in one conversation that she was what I call a “midlife creative.” I caught her sketching during the sermon at church, found out she was an expert gardener, and amazing cook (well, pretty amazing compared to me!) The first time I was at her house, she told me that she makes homemade pizza for her family almost every Friday night. It was a Monday and they were eating the leftovers for lunch. I thought to myself, ”Now here is someone I can learn from….or at the very least, get some good pizza from!”
Time passed and I followed the photos of Jen’s pizzas on her Instagram. The ingredients she used were so unique and I was impressed by her commitment to improve this pizza making craft. I asked if I could come over on a Friday night and watch her work her magic.
When I arrived at the Levin home, Jen had the dough ready and ingredients prepped. She had made the dough the night before and let it rise overnight. I always thought pizza dough had to rise in the oven or in a warm place, but this is not necessary. As long as the dough stays room temperature and you don’t live in a really cold house, it should be fine. The crust recipe Jen uses is just flour, water, salt, and yeast. She buys her flour in a 50lb bag from Cosettas market in St Paul. That bag of flour lasts her 6 months. She says that she gets a lot of funny looks and questions when she comes in asking for that amount of flour.
Jen has a large family so she usually makes at least 6 pizzas at a time. As I watched her, she made it look so easy. She tossed each circle of dough into the air, fashioning it into a crust.
There were a few things that surprised me. One, was how simple the red sauce was. Just whole tomatoes from a can and spices. Two, she didn’t pre-cook her sausage. She put it on the pizza raw. The high temperature of the broiler cooks the sausage throughout in a matter of minutes. There is no need to pre-cook the meat.
This is Jen’s favorite cookbook where she gets her crust recipe and inspiration for toppings. My Pizza by Jim Lahey.
This pizza was 1/2 thinly sliced apple, garlic butter, and cheddar cheese and 1/2 onion, rosemary, pistachios, and grated parmesan. This one was more of a traditional supreme with pepperoni, sausage, green olives, and mozzarella. My favorite pizza of the night was one with goat cheese, sausage, mushrooms, and olives. I decided I am definitely a fan of goat cheese (something I would never think to try on my own)
The trickiest part of the pizza making, in my opinion, is the baking. Jen uses the broiler setting on her oven. She puts one pizza in the bottom broiler drawer and another on the bottom shelf of the oven. Then she rotates them a couple minutes into the cooking process. The bottom broiler cooks the bottom crust and the top oven finishes browning the top of the pizza
This is the ”peel” she uses to take the pizzas out of the oven. I need to get myself one of these.
I asked Jen about her inspiration for pizza making. She said some of the best pizza she ever ate was in Sicily while living there with her family for 3 months. Restaurants in Italy wouldn’t typically open until 8pm and they had little kids with bedtimes. They found a place close to their apartment that opened at 7pm and it became a favorite spot.
During our pre-dinner chat, there were also stories of a New York City pizza she ate once after a run in the rain, and ”the best pizza ever” with her sister at Pizza Bianco in Phoenix, AZ.
Why every Friday night?
As I watched this labor of love unfold (the whole process took close to two hours) I wondered to myself if the time and effort was worth it. Why not just order take out?
It became clear as I watched Jen making those pizzas, that this was important to her and to her family. She told me that this is something everyone loves and something they look forward to. She enjoys getting people together, and the laid back atmosphere of chatting while the pizzas are coming out of the oven, one by one. “I love good food and I love making it for people and with people,” she says.
Upon tasting the final product, all my questions faded away. This pizza, made with love, was an incredible gift and a creative expression from the chef.
Jen’s longterm goal is to have her own food truck. I hope that this can become a reality.
I’ll be first in line to order!
“I’ll have the sausage, olives, mushrooms, and goat cheese.”
My husband reminded me recently that parenting can be thought of in 3 stages. I’m sure he heard it from someone else, and I’d love to quote the source if you know it.
Ages 0-12 – The Parent is the coach During these years, we show our kids what to do and why. This is a season of intense training. We teach our kids so much of what they will carry with them for the rest of their lives.
Ages 13-17 – The Parent is the cheerleader We step back and encourage our kids to live out what they know.
Ages 18+ – The Parent is the consultant During this phase, we can give advice, but only when asked or invited.
My oldest is 20 and my second is 18. Mark and I are stepping back and trusting that they have what it takes to make their own decisions. My youngest kids are 8 and 11 and still very much needing our coaching. I will be the first to admit that I get things wrong all the time with my oldest and my youngest. Thats why I need reminders like this.
Recognize the season you are in, ask for help, and give yourself grace
Growing up in an Evangelical Christian sub-culture, I digested a steady diet of the following expectations for women and mothers:
EXPECTATIONS
Keep your household running smoothly.
Raise respectful and kind children who share your values.
Actively serve others and volunteer in your church, school, and community. Attend church, Sunday School, youth group, and Bible study.
Throw birthday parties and baby showers and whatever other event is needed in your relational sphere.
Send cards.
Visit the elderly.
Show hospitality by inviting others into your home often.
Encourage your kids to go to vacation Bible school, retreats, camps, youth group, and short term mission trips.
Make healthy home cooked meals everyday, sit around the table and eat as a family.
Have a family devotion time where you pray and read the Bible
Limit screen time. Don’t watch any movies above PG. Listen to Christian radio and music only
Send your kids to Christian school or homeschool.
Make sure your teenager gets their drivers license, makes good choices, and gets into a good college. Bonus points if they don’t drink, smoke, or have sex before marriage.
Work on building a godly marriage. (marriage between a man and a woman). If there are conflicts, make them right. Go on weekly dates, attend marriage retreats, don’t let the sun go down on your anger, and divorce is not an option except in very extreme circumstances
Keep your finances in order, stay out of debt, save, and make wise choices when it comes to money.
So the question becomes:
“What if my family isn’t looking much like that above list?
Take a look at your expectations for yourself and ask where those expectations came from. Maybe you have your own unique upbringing where expectations were communicated. Are they what you want, or what others expect from you?
Can you pinpoint who you are aside from the opinions of others? You can live a life uniquely YOUR OWN. There is freedom in that! Who is telling you how to parent and how to handle your relationships? Where are the ”shoulds“ coming from?
Much of life is out of your control. You cannot control your loved ones and they cannot control you. The life you envisioned for yourself may not be the life you are living.
You are finding your way and embracing real life in all its beautiful mess. Embrace the process of figuring yourself out. Its real work and it takes time.
My husband, Mark, was invited to do a video shoot in Scottsdale, Arizona area for a wellness company called Inspire Life. I came along for the sunshine and good company. We stayed at a Casita found on airbnb. It was on a gravel road lined with horse ranches. The first thing I noticed upon arriving in this state was the cactus. So many cacti!
There were also Lots of Hiking Trails. They were everywhere. We are not in the greatest shape, but we took in some of the trails marked “easy” and they did not disappoint. We quickly learned the importance of water and sunscreen.
We enjoyed wonderful food over the 4 days. My favorite meal was at a place called The Farm at South Mountain in Phoenix. They serve a farm to table breakfast that was absolutely amazing.
The last day of our trip came to a crashing end as I took a bad tumble off a BIRD scooter. It was at the end of a 30 minute ride and after countless compliments from Mark on how well I was doing, I accelerated, lost focus, and went flying off the scooter and onto the pavement. I felt my head hit first and knew it was bad when I saw blood flowing onto my hands and legs. I started screaming and quickly drew a crowd. The onlookers who were trained in first aid jumped into action and another bystander called 911. I heard her telling the first responders “she must be in her 20’s” and I responded ”I’m 42!” At that point, Mark said he knew “I was going to be ok.”
I was so sore and weak from the fall, that I requested a wheel chair at the airport. We got back home to MN at midnight, and I’ve never in my life been more thankful for my own bed.
When you finish drinking a gallon of milk or 1/2 gallon of juice, do look at the empty jug with curiosity asking ”how could I reuse that?” After interviewing artist, Heather M. Cole, I’ve started looking at items in the recycling bin as potential art pieces. Heather loves making art from repurposed materials. As a young child, and to this day, constructing is how she views play. Heather is inspired by everyday items like bottle caps, coffee cans, packaging materials, or plastic containers.
Here is a picture of a gallon jug, cut into pieces with a scissors in preparation for a project. “It’s more difficult than it looks,” Cole says.
These pieces are used in standing lamps and hanging light fixtures. When asked how many jugs she has cut, she says ”I’ve lost track. It takes maybe 10-12 jugs for a small lamp and the largest ones require close to 100.”
Take a look at some of these finished creations.
Every lamp I’ve seen is one of a kind and beautiful.
Heather and I talked about what brings us joy. We discovered that we are both introverts, night people, nature lovers, and walkers. I laughed when she said, ”The cutting up of plastic strips is like knitting. Some people knit in the evening, I cut up milk jugs.” It takes a couple of hours each evening for approximately 2 weeks to finish a lamp.
Cole enjoys participating art events like the St Paul Art Crawl and Northrup King Showcases. She is a member of the NEMAA and the St Paul Art Collective. When talking with those attending the art events, she is often surprised at how narrow peoples’ view of what ”art” is. Many think of art as only drawing or painting. When she asks those walking by if they are artistic, they often say ”No” and then later admit they are a musician or have some other creative hobby.
One of Heather’s latest projects are these 10×10 wood panels with hearts made from a variety of food containers. They are lit up with battery operated fairy lights.
The lamps are what Cole is known for, but she sees herself branching into other art forms. She would like to work on larger art installations. like the three put together between 2017-2019 through the Hennepin Theater Trust. These were called ”Made Here” Projects and were displayed in St Paul store front windows. They are social commentaries designed to spur on conversation and make people stop and think.
Future– Peak Stuff – 2017
Detours – My Daily Commute – 2019
Energy – Bursts – 2018
You can see Heather’s work in person at the Tres Leches Art Gallery in the Northrup King building in the NE art district of Minneapolis. A fun piece in the current show is a “Kissing Booth” constructed from plastic packaging.
Thanks Heather Cole, for sharing your art with the world. It is unique, thought provoking, calming, and beautiful. I can’t wait to see what you come up with next!
