Posted by Tagged with Self care, self reflection, The artist way Posted in Uncategorized

Firsts in my 40’s

Who says life ends when you get older? When I turned 40 a few years ago, it felt like my life was ready to start a new chapter.

My first 3 decades were spent keeping others around me happy and believing everything I was told to be true. I had little kids and was learning everything the hard way (the way most moms do the first time around). I worried about every new stage, worried about money, and if my kids were going to turn out, and if I would make it through the next dentist appointment, or urgent care visit, or head lice, or impetigo, or all the other crazy sicknesses kids catch when they leave the house. I still worry about those things and new things that come with the teen years like my kids’ choice of friends, grades, mental health, faith, and sexual identity.

I want my 40’s to be a time of listening and learning from new voices, learning to trust my own voice, and dreaming bigger dreams for myself and those I love. I’m not a risk taker, but have realized that never stepping into new things only bleeds frustration. Trying new things, even if they have flopped, has brought new confidence.

A few things I’ve tried for the first time since turning 40 have been:

blogging

tent camping with the whole family

going to a black lives matter protest

reading books by people of color and LGBTQ affirming authors

teaching piano lessons online

Learning from therapy and a spiritual director

our first family camping trip

Some things on my bucket list are:

20th anniversary trip with my husband

buying a house (we have always rented)

getting a dog

gardening (never had one)

planning a girls weekend with friends

writing a book

Finding other piano teachers to grow Welcome Mat Music

What is something you are hoping and dreaming about? Saying it out loud can help get the train rolling and maybe someone will read or hear your voice and help you with your next steps.


Posted by Tagged with parenting, Racism, social justice Posted in Uncategorized

My kids are teaching me about racism

A common question these days on social media is “How are you teaching your kids about racism?”
I wish I had an amazing 5 step answer that showed that I am the most woke mom ever, but I’ve got nothing.

I’m a white woman who grew up in a white town, in a white family, going to a white school, and a white church. I was never taught about slavery, lynchings, hate crimes, prejudice, white supremacy, or the genocide of indigenous people. I am an avoider who was raised by avoiders. We didn’t tackle hard conversations, pick fights, or raise our voices (except when we were shouting, “Praise the Lord”.

My life has been sheltered and safe. but the time has come when continuing to live that safe, comfortable life while ignoring the cries of my black, immigrant, and native brothers and sisters shouting “Help us, Please help us!!” is not ok.

Their cries are growing louder. The cries have come in the form of protests, riots, looting, writing, poetry, art, films, and songs of lament. Their cries have been going on for hundreds of years and everytime there is a tragic news story where a person of color is killed or wrongfully accused, we notice for a few weeks and then the white people like me forget and go back to life as usual. Why do we forget? Because we are not affected.

As a white woman, I can’t remember ever having a reason to fear the police or fear being jailed for a crime I didn’t commit. I have not feared that my children would be taken from me. I have not feared that I would be refused a job or house or promotion because of how I look or speak. I’ve never had people pass to the other side of the street when I walk by or roll up their window and avoid eye contact when I pull up beside them at a stoplight. I’ve never felt bullied or targeted by a teacher or worried that I wouldn’t graduate.

When I moved to the city, I began to encounter people of color on a daily basis. My first opportunities were through my kids. I learned that kids are really good at teaching us how to love ALL. My daughter, Tabby, has always been one of my best teachers. I remember her pushing me to call her friend Zaynab’s mom in 4th grade so they could have a play date. Her friend was Somali and her mom didn’t speak much English. Tabby was so persistent and that persistence pushed me out of my comfort zone and into a friendship with this lovely Muslim woman.

I have not done much to teach my kids about racism, but they have surely taught me. The friends my kids have made over the years in Minneapolis and St Paul have opened my eyes to whole groups of people I knew nothing about.

Austin Channing Brown in her book I’m Still Here. Black Dignity in a World Made for Whiteness says, “I need a love that is troubled by injustice. A love that is provoked to anger when black folks, including our children lie dead in the streets….a love that has no tolerance for hate, no excuses for racist decisions, no contentment for status quo.”

After the George Floyd killing, Tabby was the one who pushed me to join her at a protest. She encountered the kind of love Austin Channing Brown speaks of at these protests. She felt the heat and it ignited a spark in her that I am convinced can do nothing but grow. She has come home from these events and shared stories told of unacceptable injustices. Seeing her passion has ignited a spark in me too. We all have a choice to make. Will we engage in this discussion about poverty, race, and immigration, or will we ignore it or deny it?

I am now finally ready to listen and learn from my black brothers and sisters. I’m ready to stop hiding and show up. “Showing up” looks different for everyone, but however looks, I hope it leads to a world where more people start seeing black as beautiful.

Posted by Tagged with life lessons, nature, Reflection Posted in Uncategorized

Transformation – Lessons from a butterfly

From grade school, I learned about the life cycle of the butterfly. From egg to pupa to chrysalis to butterfly. It was explained in such a simple and matter of fact way that it really held no magic or wonder. Then about a year ago, I listened to a radio lab podcast where they described in detail what happens inside the chrysalis. The explanation felt like the re-telling of a miraculous resurrection. This week, the caterpillar to butterfly metaphor was brought back to mind as I was thinking about this season of sheltering at home during Covid-19.
Here are some parallels that came to mind.

The caterpillar eats and eats. Remember the book The Hungry Caterpillar by Eric Carle? I feel like the caterpillar during quarantine. Eating, and eating and eating.

Next, the caterpillar sheds its outer layer and becomes a chrysalis. As an outside observer, it appears that nothing is happening inside the chrysalis. Similarly, it can feel like nothing is happening during this pregnant pause of waiting we are in. Waiting for a vaccine, waiting for answers, waiting for work, waiting for freedom. What is happening to our attitudes, priorities, and emotions during the waiting?

Just like the caterpillar, we are undergoing a transformation.

It feels like there is a change occurring in me during this time of pause. It’s hard to explain, just as it’s hard to explain what really happens inside that chrysalis. There is a bit of mystery to it all. What we do know is that each step of the life cycle is necessary, and to speed up the process and rip the butterfly from the chrysalis too early will prevent the butterfly from ever being able to fly.

I want more than anything to fly. I want my life to be a testimony of God’s beauty. I want to shed the parts of me that are not necessary anymore and enter a new phase of life. My hope for myself and others is that we will endure this season and emerge from it transformed – like a crawling caterpillar, to a flying butterfly.

Posted by Posted in Uncategorized

Crazy Covid Times

I decided to write a little bit about what our days have been like for the last 3 months.

I remember the first day I became aware of covid-19. Two events I was planning to attend were cancelled on March 13th and 14th. By Monday the 16th, schools and businesses were closed. The grocery store shelves were mostly empty as people stocked up on essentials, canned goods, and toilet paper.

I went to Global Arts Plus to collect the kids’ iPads to begin distance learning. Everyone wore masks and gloves and an eery feeling filled the empty hallways. I brought the kids with me, hoping to see their teachers, but only saw the unfamiliar faces of volunteers calmly communicating log-in instructions on typed papers with barcodes.

As reality set in, there were mixed emotions. The first few weeks seemed like a novelty for my introverted self. We did lots of baking, puzzles, crafts, and sent video messages to family members. We went on nature hikes to new places, enjoyed dinners with all of us around the table, and felt a sense of relief at all the new found “free time”

We began to realize that all our plans for Ellie’s graduation, summer, and possibly college in the fall would have to change.

Every day began to feel the same. When the kids finally surrendered to sleep, I stayed up well past midnight writing or watching Netflix in my “finally quiet time”.

The weeks turned into months and we began to wonder if life would ever return back to normal. Social distancing became acceptable and wearing masks was the new normal. I wasn’t sure what to make of it all. I didn’t have anyone close to me personally affected by covid-19, but I knew that could change overnight just as many things were changing day to day.

I am still not sure what to think of it all. Here are the things I know.

Relationships matter – the people in my life that mattered to me before covid-19 (or whatever trial life throws my way) matter to me just as much now.

Seasons change – just as winter turns to spring and summer to fall, this time in history will change as well.

Healthy things grow – if we lean into the good things we know to be true, we will become stronger through whatever storms we encounter.

Take care, friends. Let me know how quarantine has been for you.

Posted by Posted in Uncategorized

Message to Moms

This is for the moms who need a little pep talk today. Sending hugs and cheering you on!

It’s amazing to me the number of mothers who question almost daily whether they are good moms. I’m not talking about moms that are neglecting their kids or phoning it in. I’m talking about rockstar moms who are giving their all every freakin’ day.

The lack of confidence we moms have in our ability to parent, keep a home, and juggle life’s demands is unbelievably high. The overthinking, worry, and comparison that goes on is crazy. Moms are their own worst critics.

Here are some ways I have learned to combat the negative self-talk.

#1. Call to the top of your mind one thing you are proud of right now.

I’m proud that my child made their own breakfast, showed empathy, learned to ride a bike, slept through the night, said they were sorry, made me smile. I’m proud that I returned that phone call, had that hard talk, forgave myself, said no.

My youngest is 6 and oldest is 18. Lots of
proud moments.

#2. Don’t compare your weaknesses to another person’s strengths.

Since the beginning of time, moms have been told they need to do it all. In reality, that would be foolish. You will do certain things well and then there will be other things that your friends do better. I am really good at patience, listening, friendships, and teaching. I am not good at house cleaning, decorating, fashion, hair, makeup, or big business. I am also not good at Pinterest or Twitter or exercise or healthy meals or taking supplements or essential oils or team sports or shopping at malls. We would all feel better if we knew and appreciated our strengths and became a cheering squad for others who are different than us.

Eating junk food and wearing strange clothes

#3. Acknowledge how hard parenting is.

Give yourself credit for all the days, months and years you’ve been showing up for your kids. You’ve been there through all the milestones, the sicknesses, the dentist visits, the potty training, the head lice, the bad dreams, the questions, the sleepless nights, the relationship struggles, the disappointments, the unexpected transitions, the birthday parties, the firsts, the lasts….all of it!


You ARE a good mom. I’m here to speak this aloud whether you believe it or not. I hope you understand that you are more than enough. In fact, whether your child acknowledges it or not, does not change the truth. You have poured your life out and the one who made you and made you uniquely YOU is pleased.

Genesis 1:31. “God saw everything He has made and it was very good”…..that includes you, Mom!

Posted by Tagged with Faith, family, family memories, moving, Reflection, St Paul Posted in Uncategorized

How we came to St Paul

We moved to St Paul 8 years ago. I’ve been wanting to recount the story of how we ended up here. I need to be reminded of how God takes care of us.

Our first house in the Twin Cities was an upper duplex rental in South Minneapolis. It was home for 5 years. I slowly grew to love the city after living in a small town up until that point. My oldest announced as we drove onto the freeway into Minneapolis, “I was born to be a city girl!”

Driving on freeways was the biggest change. I found a job teaching piano lessons in St Paul and the short drive from Mpls to St Paul always left me with stiff shoulders and a sore back. I would clench the steering wheel and hold my breathe as I anticipated the dreaded lane changes. For a period of time, when we didn’t have a car and I learned to ride the metro transit, another experience that felt monumental at the time. The city began to feel like our new home. I loved meeting people with different cultures and beliefs than me. I loved trying foods from around the world, experiencing art through museums, theater, and the orchestra.

As we reached year 5 in Minneapolis, we began to run out of money. It was a confusing period in our marriage and job situation and it became clear that it was again time for a change . One thing I’ve realized is that I don’t usually gravitate toward change unless it is forced upon me. Hardships can be the catalyst for making necessary changes.

That whole decision to not renew our lease on the Minneapolis duplex is still a bit foggy to me. It was a very unsettling season that I never want to repeat. My three girls, ages 10, 8, and 1 and I, moved to Marshall, MN to live with my parents while Mark stayed in Minneapolis on a friend’s couch, working a new job in order to save enough money for us to rent a new place that fall.

That whole summer apart ended up being a blessing in disguise. Everyday, we would go on walks, to the pool, rummage sales, and Camden State Park. The extended time with my parents was just what my girls and I needed.

Our goal was to move to St Paul by September so that I could continue teaching piano and the kids could start school. August came and there was no housing in our price range. I spent my days feeling a rising sense of panic as I scoured the internet for affordable rentals for a family of 5.

Finally, near the end of August, I saw a 4 bedroom house for rent pop up on Craigslist. We looked at it and immediately felt a “Yes!” It was the only house I could find even close to what we were looking for. It felt like a miracle.

Looking back, I feel this house was hand-picked for us. The neighbors, the art house down the street, the theater experiences, the schools, and all the places that have become home.

First Easter in St Paul
And we added Ivy to our family
to make 6!

I know what uncertainty feels like. With Covid-19 looming over us, we don’t know what life will look like a month from now or 6 months from now. I’m glad I can look back on God’s faithfulness in our move to St Paul and all the little and big ways we have been taken care of since then. I have to keep believing the best. It’s the only way through.


Posted by Posted in Uncategorized

Don’t Should On Yourself

How many times did you say or think the word “should” today? Here’s my list.

I should wake up earlier I should not let my kids be watching YouTube.
I should not let my kids eat candy.
I should make my kids read.
I should make my kids do more chores. I should finally work on that website. I should return that phone call. I should start running. I should be more like that teacher I saw online.
I should….

These “shoulds” represent external expectations that we have internalized. Everytime we “should on ourselves”, we pile on guilt and shame. We compare our real life to the ideal life we imagine.

Where did this “should” come from? Is it important to me or only important because of how others view me?

Instead of asking what you “should” do, ask yourself “what is most important to me?”

What are your values? Recognize that differences in preferences and approach to life are healthy, even amongst your friend group. Appreciate the people around you and celebrate what they bring to the table. Realize that your friends’ strengths do not need to be your strengths.

Pay attention to the “shoulds” that come into your head today and replace them with “I will” or “I want” or even “I feel pressure to”. Explore your “shoulds” with curiosity. You may just learn that some of them can be discarded or set aside for now.



Posted by Posted in Uncategorized

How are your kids doing?

The news is reporting how difficult this quarantine is for adults who must work from home or not work at all, but what are we hearing about the kids? I have four kids ranging from 5 to 18. They are home. I have been trying to teach piano lessons online in the living room 15 hours a week while the kids fend for themselves. My husband is struggling with the loss of his business and looking for work.


I thought the kids were doing quite well, but tonight the younger two broke down and cried themselves to sleep. They miss school, they miss their friends, they miss their old life full of trips to the mall, arcade, play dates, and parks. I think grief hits us in waves. We think we are fine, and then we’re not. It has not hit me yet. Maybe because I am working so hard to be strong for everyone around me.

The kids are sad and confused. I’m sure the explanations of quarantine and corona virus make no sense to them, especially those younger than age 10.

What are you doing to help your kids deal with disappointment? Have your kids been asking questions about the future? I would love to hear your experiences.

Posted by Posted in Uncategorized

Transition leads to New Birth

It could be assumed that regardless of our age, we are all going through a time of transition. During this Covid-19 quarantine, many have transitioned to working from home and distance learning for students. Our world has transitioned from a frenetic over-scheduled life to a much slower pace with fewer alarm clocks and traffic jams.

For those who have given birth or been with a woman in labor, you know that transition is the final phase of labor when the woman’s cervix moves from 8-10 centimeters. It’s the time during labor when the pain intensifies to its peak. Contractions are strong, and close together, often overlapping.

During this quarantine, we are in a transition time. It’s a time between what was and what will be. Much like labor, we cannot predict how long it will last or how it will unfold. The pain it is causing varies from person to person. What we do know is that we are not going through the transition for no reason. We cannot go through a crisis without it changing us.

I hope this season will bring about something new and beautiful.

What is this time of transition leading to? What will the world look like when this period of time is over? Will life ever go back to the way it was?

We must all take time to grieve the things we have lost. Jobs, income, travel, entertainment, time with friends, graduations, camps, and for some, losing a loved one.

Willingly entering into the pain is an important part of transition.

Just like during a birth, trusting your creator, accepting help from your support team, breathing, and focus on the goal – new life – will bring you through this labor of transition.

For those who have went through child birth, maybe you can remember things to share with others that helped you through the painful experience. I know it’s not the perfect analogy, but it is what makes sense for me today.

How can we support one another in this labor of love that we call “Sheltering in Place?”



Posted by Posted in Uncategorized

Grieving our losses during Covid-19

We are all grieving whether we admit it our not.

Grieving all the little things that add up to big things.

Grieving the loss of human touch and physical closeness.

The loss of our work which brings us a sense of purpose.

The loss of live art and entertainment. No more theater, movie theaters, restaurants, art museums, and indoor play places.

The loss of libraries, gyms, and public meeting places where neighbors gather.

The loss of income, bringing a deep uncertainty of the future.

The loss of schools and colleges. A realization that we took for granted the caring teachers, companions, and consistent routine.

The loss of freedom to move about. We can no longer hop in our cars or on a bus and see where the day takes us. There are no more spontaneous days of bar hops, art crawls, and sporting events.

The loss of hospitality. The ceasing of in person community. No more sharing soup with neighbors or play dates or birthday parties.

What is happening to our world?

It’s not fair. It’s just not fair. Why can’t we visit and touch the elderly parents we love who are also grieving. Why must the most vulnerable be left alone?

Take time to grieve.

It’s ok to feel sad. A lot of little things lost add up to a big Loss. The loss of a life that we took for granted.