Midlife Creative

Today I planned out my day perfectly to get everything done. I had a haircut, chiropractor appointment, stop at the grocery store, and then the exact amount of time to make a pan of lasagne before leaving to teach piano lessons. I assembled the lasagne and went to put it in the fridge. My hand slipped and the lasagne toppled to the floor.

In that moment I was so angry. I swore repeatedly and then carried on in such a way that brought Mark and the two older girls to the kitchen to see what in God’s name happened!

Mark told me he would clean it up and then I went into the living room and sat in my favorite chair and cried and cried. That was when I realized, “This is about more than a pan of lasagne”. I asked myself what was going on and realized that “It’s ok to not be ok” and “it’s ok to not do everything perfectly”.
I didn’t have time to sit and cry any longer, I had 20 minutes to prep for the day’s lessons. One of my teenage students had asked to play “Sweet Child O Mine” by Guns and Roses. Since I grew up on a singular dose of Christian music, I had no idea how the song went, so I had to get myself caught up. I started playing, and of course my DJ, music loving husband comes running in and says “Is that Sweet Child O Mine?”

He proceeded to ask me if I’d listened to the lyrics. I had not. He said, “I think this is God’s message for you right now. This song is for you.” It was true and I cried a little more and then went off to lessons and told my student about the connection between a pan of dropped lasagne and his song and he looked at me with a polite, but confused look, and then we carried on with the lesson

It’s funny how life catches up with you in strange ways like dropping a pan of lasagne. I thought I was “fine” and then that simple event made me realize I’m not “fine”.

After a conversation with a wise counselor tonight, I’ve realized that there are a few changes I need to make.

#1. I am no longer going to put pressure on myself to make meals ahead of time for my family on weeknights when I’m teaching.
#2. It’s time to go get some therapy to talk through what’s been bothering me.
#3. It’s ok to not do things with my own family the way my family growing up did them.

And probably my favorite lesson of all is – Jesus can speak through anything and anyone – even Guns and Roses!