Midlife Creative

Excuses We Tell Ourselves to Avoid Having Company Over

My Pastor, Eric, at Summit Church has been encouraging us to invite people over for a meal or coffee. Hospitality has always been something I’m excited about, so I’ve been asking myself, “Why do I so rarely invite people over?”

What are the excuses I find to avoid hosting? I thought I’d share a few in case it might help others who have similar hangups.

Over Thinking – I overthink almost everything. Who should I invite? What if they say No? What if they say Yes? What if my space isn’t large enough? What if we don’t have enough chairs? What would we eat? What if I don’t make enough food and we run out? What if they have food allergies? What if their kids don’t get along with my kids? What if my house is messy? What if we run out of things to talk about?

Ok. You get the idea. I haven’t even asked anyone to come over yet, and my brain is already overloaded with “What ifs.”

Here’s the deal. People just want to be invited. They don’t care what you serve or what your house looks like or even the reason for the visit. They just want to be invited – to feel like they belong. I can offer that belonging. Yes, that is definitely something I can do and do well. How about you? Do you want your home to be a place of welcome? Do you want to create a space where people can open up and share their stories?

Let me encourage you with a few things I’ve learned from the times I’ve said “Yes” to hosting.

Go with your first instinct. Do you have to know much about the person to invite them? No. Do you have to have a plan for what will happen during your time together or how you will follow it up? No.

What gets scheduled is more likely to get done. I can think about something forever, but until it’s on the calendar, it usually doesn’t happen.

One of the biggest reasons I don’t invite people over is I struggle with what to cook. Is there one thing you love to make that you do well? Do that. Make the same thing every time and don’t feel bad about it. Not into cooking? Order some pizzas and have everyone chip in to cover the cost. Do you feel like food is a hindrance for some reason? Schedule your get together when it’s not mealtime. You could serve tea, coffee, a simple snack like popcorn or ice cream sundaes, or nothing at all.

Don’t get hung up on needing a “Purpose” for the get together. I often feel like I need to have a reason to have someone over. That’s simply not the case. When we give up control of the reason for the gathering, we can let things unfold naturally and be surprised.

Make hosting a regular part of your life and not something you only do on special occasions. Mark and I have decided to make Friday nights our regular “company night”

The more you do it, the easier and more natural it becomes. Do you feel overwhelmed by the thought of hosting? Find someone who finds it easy and ask them to help you get started. Don’t compare yourself to them though. Beginners should never compare themselves to someone who has mastery of something. This applies to hospitality as much as anything.

Be careful not to compare your home to someone else’s or apologize for the home you currently live in. We have always lived in very small places. Once we invited a pastor and his wife to our small duplex in South Minneapolis and I began apologizing, saying “I’m sorry our place is so small” The pastor’s wife gave me a strong but loving reprimand saying, “This home is a gift to you and don’t you dare apologize.” I’ve been to peoples’ houses where we have put blankets on the floor and sat picnic style. I’ve never been put off by a small space. Sometimes it means we can’t stay quite as long, but I’ve always walked away grateful for the invitation.

I’m guessing there are some people who cannot host for various reasons. If this is you, what about inviting someone to a park or public space? Maybe you could partner up with someone else who has the space to host, and you provide some of the food, do the inviting, or help with the cleanup.

In summary, figure out what YOUR excuses and hangups are. What is preventing you from seeing your home as a welcoming place to invite others? Talk through your hangups with a trusted friend if you need some clarity. Push yourself out of your comfort zone. If hospitality is something you feel strongly about, it’s time to make a move. Decide who to invite and set a date. If they say no, don’t give up – ask someone else. Don’t overthink the details. Go with your gut and BE YOURSELF. Starting something new is the hardest part. Once you get the hospitality train going, who knows where it will take you.