Midlife Creative

My friend Annette, who has 4 grown adult children, calls the years of elementary school “the gravy years”. These are the years when parents are through the potty training and sleep deprived infant and toddler stage and before puberty and teen drama arrive.

My husband and I are enjoying “the gravy years” now with our 7 and 10 year olds. We had our first two kids, now 17 and 19, when we were newly married. The first time around, I don’t think we fully appreciated those years. I spent most of my time worrying about whether I was doing things wrong and comparing myself to an unachievable ideal in my mind. I didn’t realize what I had when I had it, how fast those years would go by, and how much I would miss them when they were gone.

There are some great things about having teenagers too, and I’m sure I will miss these years as well someday, but there is just something about witnessing the elementary years a second time around.

Here’s what I love about these “gravy years”.

1. We tuck the kids into bed each night with snuggle time, reading, and telling stories about the day. It’s nice to know they will sleep through the night (more than they used to)

2. They aren’t embarrassed to be around us parents and they enjoy time with family.

3. Travel is much easier than when they were little. We can hop in the car and drive a few hours without complaint. There are less stops and booster seats are so much easier than infant seats.

4. We know their friends and their friends’ parents. They are home before 9pm and we always know where they are and who they are with.

5.. We can eat in a restaurant again without a highchair.

6. No more diaper bag!

7. The kids can stay with Grandparents or a babysitter so that mom and dad can have date nights and an occasional getaway!

What are your favorite things about the elementary years?

Today I planned out my day perfectly to get everything done. I had a haircut, chiropractor appointment, stop at the grocery store, and then the exact amount of time to make a pan of lasagne before leaving to teach piano lessons. I assembled the lasagne and went to put it in the fridge. My hand slipped and the lasagne toppled to the floor.

In that moment I was so angry. I swore repeatedly and then carried on in such a way that brought Mark and the two older girls to the kitchen to see what in God’s name happened!

Mark told me he would clean it up and then I went into the living room and sat in my favorite chair and cried and cried. That was when I realized, “This is about more than a pan of lasagne”. I asked myself what was going on and realized that “It’s ok to not be ok” and “it’s ok to not do everything perfectly”.
I didn’t have time to sit and cry any longer, I had 20 minutes to prep for the day’s lessons. One of my teenage students had asked to play “Sweet Child O Mine” by Guns and Roses. Since I grew up on a singular dose of Christian music, I had no idea how the song went, so I had to get myself caught up. I started playing, and of course my DJ, music loving husband comes running in and says “Is that Sweet Child O Mine?”

He proceeded to ask me if I’d listened to the lyrics. I had not. He said, “I think this is God’s message for you right now. This song is for you.” It was true and I cried a little more and then went off to lessons and told my student about the connection between a pan of dropped lasagne and his song and he looked at me with a polite, but confused look, and then we carried on with the lesson

It’s funny how life catches up with you in strange ways like dropping a pan of lasagne. I thought I was “fine” and then that simple event made me realize I’m not “fine”.

After a conversation with a wise counselor tonight, I’ve realized that there are a few changes I need to make.

#1. I am no longer going to put pressure on myself to make meals ahead of time for my family on weeknights when I’m teaching.
#2. It’s time to go get some therapy to talk through what’s been bothering me.
#3. It’s ok to not do things with my own family the way my family growing up did them.

And probably my favorite lesson of all is – Jesus can speak through anything and anyone – even Guns and Roses!