New Friend November
Last year, some of you may remember I challenged myself to a “New Food November.” This was a fun way to move me out of a cooking rut and into trying new things. This year, I am making this month “New Friends November.” Let me tell you about it.
New Friends November – What does this mean?
It means leaning into conversations with new people, listening to their stories, and learning what matters most to them.
This is not easy for me. Not nearly as easy as trying new foods. It requires risk, approaching strangers, and completely re-working my definition of friendship. Let me explain.
I’ve always had an issue with friendships. I am very idealistic when it comes to what a friend should be. I expect a lot and become easily disappointed. My definition of friend is “someone who shares common interests, wants to spend time with me, and has some history with me or desire to share life together long term.” Because I’m not very good at expressing these expectations, and they are often unrealistic, I become disappointed and let down when friendships fizzle out.
My husband, on the other hand, has about a million friends. I would call them acquaintances, but he would call them friends. The difference between us is that he sees people he has only met one time as his friends. He can have a conversation with someone once and come away from it seeing that person as a “friend”. There are no strings attached in his relationships. He sees every encounter with a new person as a gift.
New Friend November is a realization that I need to begin to hold a more open minded view of what friendship can look like. I can reach out to new people and get to know them without the expectation that we will be friends forever or even next week. I can see anyone as a friend, even if I have only spent one day with them or have not seen them in person for many years. As I look back on my life I see examples of these lifelong friends who have deeply impacted me in our short times together.
Listening to peoples’ stories is a key to making friends. There is a lot that happens when we hear each others’ stories. My goal for New Friend November and beyond is to ask people to share with me their life stories. My husband, Mark, has done a lot of this as an Uber driver and a wedding DJ. He enjoys talking to strangers and becoming their friends.
How can I make new friends during Covid-19? That was my first thought when this idea came to me. I asked my daughter Tabby how she would suggest making new friends during Covid. She gave me some great advice.
She said look for people to connect with in these places:
1. Networks you are already a part of: Possibly work, church, clubs, teams, neighborhood, or school.
2. Listen to peoples’ stories at protests, social justice events, or look for a place to volunteer.
3. Friends of friends. When you hear a friend talking about someone they know, say “I’d like to meet them. Can you introduce me?”
Look for opportunities to talk to new people wherever you are. Talk to strangers. They may just become friends.