Don’t Should On Yourself
How many times did you say or think the word “should” today? Here’s my list.
I should wake up earlier I should not let my kids be watching YouTube.
I should not let my kids eat candy.
I should make my kids read.
I should make my kids do more chores. I should finally work on that website. I should return that phone call. I should start running. I should be more like that teacher I saw online.
I should….
These “shoulds” represent external expectations that we have internalized. Everytime we “should on ourselves”, we pile on guilt and shame. We compare our real life to the ideal life we imagine.
Where did this “should” come from? Is it important to me or only important because of how others view me?
Instead of asking what you “should” do, ask yourself “what is most important to me?”
What are your values? Recognize that differences in preferences and approach to life are healthy, even amongst your friend group. Appreciate the people around you and celebrate what they bring to the table. Realize that your friends’ strengths do not need to be your strengths.
Pay attention to the “shoulds” that come into your head today and replace them with “I will” or “I want” or even “I feel pressure to”. Explore your “shoulds” with curiosity. You may just learn that some of them can be discarded or set aside for now.