Midlife Creative

The news is reporting how difficult this quarantine is for adults who must work from home or not work at all, but what are we hearing about the kids? I have four kids ranging from 5 to 18. They are home. I have been trying to teach piano lessons online in the living room 15 hours a week while the kids fend for themselves. My husband is struggling with the loss of his business and looking for work.

I thought the kids were doing quite well, but tonight the younger two broke down and cried themselves to sleep. They miss school, they miss their friends, they miss their old life full of trips to the mall, arcade, play dates, and parks. I think grief hits us in waves. We think we are fine, and then we’re not. It has not hit me yet. Maybe because I am working so hard to be strong for everyone around me.

The kids are sad and confused. I’m sure the explanations of quarantine and corona virus make no sense to them, especially those younger than age 10.

What are you doing to help your kids deal with disappointment? Have your kids been asking questions about the future? I would love to hear your experiences.

It could be assumed that regardless of our age, we are all going through a time of transition. During this Covid-19 quarantine, many have transitioned to working from home and distance learning for students. Our world has transitioned from a frenetic over-scheduled life to a much slower pace with fewer alarm clocks and traffic jams.

For those who have given birth or been with a woman in labor, you know that transition is the final phase of labor when the woman’s cervix moves from 8-10 centimeters. It’s the time during labor when the pain intensifies to its peak. Contractions are strong, and close together, often overlapping.

During this quarantine, we are in a transition time. It’s a time between what was and what will be. Much like labor, we cannot predict how long it will last or how it will unfold. The pain it is causing varies from person to person. What we do know is that we are not going through the transition for no reason. We cannot go through a crisis without it changing us.

I hope this season will bring about something new and beautiful.

What is this time of transition leading to? What will the world look like when this period of time is over? Will life ever go back to the way it was?

We must all take time to grieve the things we have lost. Jobs, income, travel, entertainment, time with friends, graduations, camps, and for some, losing a loved one.

Willingly entering into the pain is an important part of transition.

Just like during a birth, trusting your creator, accepting help from your support team, breathing, and focus on the goal – new life – will bring you through this labor of transition.

For those who have went through child birth, maybe you can remember things to share with others that helped you through the painful experience. I know it’s not the perfect analogy, but it is what makes sense for me today.

How can we support one another in this labor of love that we call “Sheltering in Place?”

We are all grieving whether we admit it our not.

Grieving all the little things that add up to big things.

Grieving the loss of human touch and physical closeness.

The loss of our work which brings us a sense of purpose.

The loss of live art and entertainment. No more theater, movie theaters, restaurants, art museums, and indoor play places.

The loss of libraries, gyms, and public meeting places where neighbors gather.

The loss of income, bringing a deep uncertainty of the future.

The loss of schools and colleges. A realization that we took for granted the caring teachers, companions, and consistent routine.

The loss of freedom to move about. We can no longer hop in our cars or on a bus and see where the day takes us. There are no more spontaneous days of bar hops, art crawls, and sporting events.

The loss of hospitality. The ceasing of in person community. No more sharing soup with neighbors or play dates or birthday parties.

What is happening to our world?

It’s not fair. It’s just not fair. Why can’t we visit and touch the elderly parents we love who are also grieving. Why must the most vulnerable be left alone?

Take time to grieve.

It’s ok to feel sad. A lot of little things lost add up to a big Loss. The loss of a life that we took for granted.